How Do I Get a Guy to Open Up to Me Emotionally?

Guy shying away

Question by Peach:

I recently started seeing this guy who lives an hour away from me. We chat every day on social media but he doesn’t say much even when he contacts me first. I would blame that on him being busy since he does own a business. We don’t call each other either and I don’t want to sound pushy or needy by asking him about phone calls or our lack of meaningful deep conversations.

My question is…How can I get him to open up to me emotionally? He’s usually so quiet but I think he genuinely seems to like me. Or is he just pretending so the next time we hang out he can ‘score?’

Dear Peach,

Let us first differentiate between being quiet and not being interested. While there will always be a heated debate regarding that, you have to keep in mind that you said it yourself, he’s usually very quiet, so perhaps him not saying much is just that and he truly does like you.

Humans have varying types of love languages and as such, will need and give out different kinds as well.

The 5 Love Languages

Maybe he is more of a gift giver? Perhaps he is more the kind to give you a hug and not say a single word?

According to Gary Chapman, humans express love in 5 main different ways:

  • Gifts
  • Quality time
  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

With this in mind, try to figure out if perhaps he just expresses his feelings in a different manner than the one you expect.

It is also a great idea to know which kind of language you’re more prone to use to see how compatible you two are.

Play the Questions Game

This might seem a bit childish at first but as studies show, asking certain questions to get to know each other can end up opening the communication channels extremely efficiently which could help him feel more comfortable in opening up to you and perhaps it can also help you feel confident enough to ask directly (if you feel so inclined) if he truly likes you.

Honesty is the best policy

There is no fool-proof and 100% certain way of knowing if a person is being honest or pretending to get their way (unless you have a lie detector and even then, those aren’t infallible!).

So the best course of action usually is to be honest with yourself. Trust your gut and if at some point you feel like you’re not getting what you deserve, say it loud and clear. Don’t be scared to be pushy, as long as you’re not rude you probably won’t come off that way.

No Score Zone. Unless you want to!

The last part of your question does raise some red flags, so a disclaimer is in order. Please remember that you don’t owe sex to anyone, not even if they truly like you!

If you want to ‘score’ next time you see him, go for it, but don’t feel like you are obligated to do absolutely anything.

If he truly likes you and you can ask to take things slow, he would respect your wishes and in case you’re both into the idea of ‘scoring” then please be safe and have fun!