I Hurt My Boyfriend’s Feelings and Now He Wouldn’t Talk To Me. What Should I Do?

Girl leaning on fence feeling sad

Question by Sparrow:

My boyfriend and I had a misunderstanding and unintentionally, I hurt his feelings.

I’m going through depression so my thoughts are all over and in the process, I unconsciously accused him of leaving me in the cold which he never did. I didn’t mean to imply that he’s abandoned me. Guess being anxious makes me question his support for me.

I said my apologies and told him I’d get help for my condition. I asked him if he will still be with me until I get better and he said yes. But 2 weeks have passed and he hasn’t responded to any of my messages. I still text him daily to let him know that I’m trying to get better.

Should I be worried of his silence? Why does he said “yes” but doesn’t seem to care for my condition anymore? Your thoughts would be much appreciated.

Dear Sparrow,

First things first: You are awesome for looking for help! You should be incredibly proud of yourself for taking steps to get better, which is super difficult to do.

With that being said, I think you need to realize that he is also going through things of his own.

While you apologized and are seeking help, he also needs to process what he felt during the misunderstanding and that is also valid and in the end, the best thing for a healthy relationship.

Depression lies

Please remember that depression was a factor in the original misunderstanding and don’t listen to its lies again!

You are already assuming things like “he doesn’t seem to care”; while this can indeed indicate he is trying to put some distance between you two, nothing is said and done until you discuss it and as such it isn’t nice to put words in his mouth.

Sometimes we need to be alone to heal

This is perhaps something none of us want to hear but sometimes we need to focus on ourselves before even thinking about being with someone else.

Depression, anxiety and a whole array of mental health situations need our full attention if we seek to get better. And we need to remember that we are the most important person to take care of.

Have you heard the wise words of RuPaul “If you can’t love yourself, how in the world are you going to love somebody else”?

Support from those we love is important, yes, but a little bit of solitude to think clearly isn’t always a bad thing.

Give him some space

Working on what was mentioned at the beginning of this reply, if you haven’t gotten a response to your texts for 2 weeks it might be time to stop texting and give him some space.

Perhaps he is also trying to work on himself, maybe he hasn’t gotten over the hurt or maybe he just doesn’t feel like talking right now.

Obsessing over it and texting every day might be doing you both more harm than good!

Consider cutting back on it for a bit, you could be surprised at how liberating it can be.

If its meant to be, it’ll be

Love is a strange feeling and it can make our brains get a bit confused and feel like we’re floating but sometimes for a relationship to succeed you need to push the breaks and slow down when things start going way too fast and getting out of control.

When love is meant to be, it will be, there is nothing you can do to stop it or avoid it, so have certainty in that.

He said he would be there when you get better. Get better! If he’s there when it happens, fabulous! If he’s not, then you’ll have developed weapons to battle depression and will be ready for the true love that awaits you.

Image credit: Victor Teixeira