Will My Boyfriend Marry Me?

Question asked by Ashley - How do I know if my boyfriend will ever want to marry me? He says he doesn't care about marriage, but it is so important to me! Will my boyfriend marry me?


Hi Ashley,

Every relationship comes with its own challenges, and hurdles. This is not a bad thing, because challenges, when seen in the right perspective, help you grow as person and in the process makes your relationship more mature and meaningful.

The present challenge is that you want to get married but your boyfriend is skeptical about it. In truth, each of us has different priorities and desires in life, and our desires are, and should be, important to us. Itís your right to pursue your preference and your desires, and stick to them without wavering in the light of resistance or opposition. You never need to live a life of compromise if you donít want to. So if you want to get married, you will need to stay clear in your intention and eventually the circumstances will become favorable to its manifestation.

There is no need for you to pressurize your boyfriend, but itís important that you make your intentions clear to him. Share your concerns and your needs with your boyfriend. Tell him that marriage means a lot to you and that you see that as an institution of commitment and trust. Marriage is like as stamp of commitment or the final commitment that a couple needs to undertake to seal their relationship, even if itís only a social formality as seen from one perspective. Any stable, and committed, relationship eventually should lead to a permanent bonding in the form of marriage.

In a relationship itís important that both partners have some common intentions. If one partner wants to get married and the other does not have such an intention, eventually it will lead to a conflict and even a break up. Itís fine to have a different outlook, and opinion, but if you donít find a common ground in the most important areas of life then your relationship is bound to get into all sorts of conflict. For example, if one partner believes in monogamy while the other partner is interested in an ďopenĒ relationship (polygamous relationship), then things are not likely to work out in the long run and a split up is eventual.

You and your boyfriend would need to sort out this conflict and bring it to a conclusion. And the sooner you do it, the better. Of course, your boyfriend is totally entitled to his views on marriage, and if he doesnít want to get married you canít force him in any way but that does not mean that you need to suppress your desire for marriage Ė in such a condition the only option would be a break off (you need to face reality). But the truth is that true love conquers all conflicts. If your boyfriend is truly in love with you, he should not have any problems in committing himself to a marriage even if he does not think highly of it.

There are many guys who find marriage to be an unnecessary formality. They would much rather prefer a ďlive inĒ relationship. But for a girl, marriage is important simply because it gives her a social conformance, stability and security which is not present in a ďlive inĒ relationship. Starting from the primitive ages, women have always had the primary need for security and protection from their man. This is not a weakness in any way but simply a natural need. Men have been more open handed and they prefer freedom over security, because thatís how men are wired. But eventually, when man loves a woman he needs to understand her need for stability and social conformance.

So itís important that your boyfriend understands your needs and takes responsibility for putting you at ease as much as possible. He may have strong opinions about marriage, but he needs to understand your perspective as well because a relationship cannot survive in the absence of conformity. Donít shy away from talking things out; sometimes itís important to not run away from discussing things that are important to you. Get it out in the open and reach a point of clarity. In essence, if he truly loves you there is no reason why he should evade any form of commitment. If he does not love you in all sincerity then its better if you move out of the relationship because eventually this is what will be the result.

This was in reply to the question 'will my boyfriend marry me?' or similar questions which could be, 'my boyfriend won't marry me' and 'how to make your boyfriend want to marry you'.