Why Do Guys Avoid Initiating a Break Up Even When They Want To?


Published on: September 25, 2016

Question asked by Kimberly – Why doesn’t the guy never break up with you even though he knows he wants to? And why do some guys call and try to hangout with girls you already know and you hang out with? When the guy already knows you talk with those girls and he knows that they are going to tell me.

Hi Kimberly,

Your boyfriend is just avoiding a direct confrontation. The fact of course is that he has moved on. He is just trying to convey his stand through indirect means, such as by dating your friends or making it obvious that he is going around with other girls. He’s just hoping that you will dump him, based on his actions. In a way he’s even challenging you to muster the guts to “chuck” him out of your life. He evidently knows that you are “dependent” on his attention and love.

Since it’s evident that he is not “committed” to you, it’s best that you take a stand on where you want to go from here. You need to understand that your boyfriend has moved on. The fact that he is dating your other friends, and flirting with them openly, is suggestive of his complete “coldness” towards you. Of course, love and respect go together, the way he is behaving, it’s pretty evident that he does not respect your status as his girlfriend.

If you confront him directly, he is only going to deny his actions with some excuse or the other. The fact that you have not taken a strong stand, inspite of knowing about his indiscretions, would suggest to him that you are “weak willed”. So he will continue exploiting you, unconsciously. You are bound to feel “used”, because his love lacks sincerity. But that’s his problem and his nature. You can’t control that.

Why are you waiting for him to initiate a break up? Is it because you don’t want to take up the responsibility of taking a stand? The wait is only going to make things worse for you; relationship issues can be hugely stress inducing and can end up eating into your peace of mind.

Just remember that your boyfriend is trying to avoid confrontation. In a way, he is quite terrified of you “emotional” reaction to the break up, that’s one reason why he is not directly confronting you with the fact that he has lost interest in the relationship. It’s best that you avoid asking for explanations or apologies, and just move on. It would do your esteem a word of good to ask him to “get out” of your life and stay out.

It’s deeply hurting and painful to move out of a relationship, but in this case it would be for the best. If you stay on, you are only encouraging him to “use” you. A guy who doesn’t bother about fletching money from his girl, does not really think twice about exploiting her in anyway. You can say that he is using you, but the truth is that you are allowing him to use you. It’s your responsibility. You need to take a stand on this.