Question asked by Andrea – Me and my boyfriend really love each other and He’s the one who started talking about marriage. He said this year, then the other, now the next and I don’t know why! He has started studying so he can’t save and I don’t want to put pressure on him. I know his career is important as well but I don’t know where I’m standing anymore. Should I confront him? I’m not the kind of girl that puts ultimatums and things like that. I really love him. Is there a way to approach him so that he feels comfortable?
Financial security is a big thing for most guys. That’s the reason why many guys don’t consider marriage until they feel comfortable in their career or financial situation. One of the main concerns that most guys have is that they want to be “respected” by the girl’s family. In a society where financial status is given a lot of importance, a guy is usually respected for his ability to make money. So a guy would feel less confident facing the girl’s family when he does not have a stable career or financial standing. In a nutshell, a guy who has a comfortable financial standing would enter into marriage with the girl he loves as quickly as possible and a guy who has an uncertain financial grounding would want to delay marriage until he feels clearer about his finances.
Most guys are also concerned about the approval they get from the girl’s family. A guy who does not have a sound financial status is usually not held in high regards by the elders of the girl’s family, and a guy might squirm at the idea of being belittled for his financial standing. Marriage, in most cases, is a family thing also and hence it’s not just about settling in with the girl.
If your boyfriend where settled in a career of his choice and was minting good money, he would have no qualms about entering into marriage promptly. As you said, he was the one who proposed marriage first. It’s obvious that he does love you and he wants to get into a marital bond with you. He’s committed to you but he present financial standing may not be giving him the confidence to take up the responsibility of marriage. Like you said, he’s a studying presently and can only gauge his prospects of landing a job after he’s done with the studies.
Frankly, marriage would be a lot simpler if it were not bound by all the formalities and family interventions. If it’s just about going to a church and taking vows, most guys would not mind getting married. But most marriages involve family interventions and is almost a public function, where the guy is put on the “spotlight”. So if he is not confident in his financial standing he might feel a little awkward dealing with the elders of the family who might ask many personal questions regarding his career and future plans.
So you can either wait for him to get into a stable career, and stronger financial grounding, or you can talk him into marrying you by making him comfortable about it. You can tell him that you are more interested in being with him as his wife, than in his career or financial situation right now. You can talk to him about how understanding your family members are and how you guys can have a “no fuss” marriage with the least of financial discomfort. You need to give him confidence, and help him feel more comfortable about the prospect marriage in spite of his financial standing. Love can overcome any challenge when it’s true. He just needs to trust you and your understanding of his situation.
So instead of fretting about it, just talk to him. You are not putting ultimatums; you are just helping him make a decision. When you inspire his trust, he will find it easier to go through with his uncertainties regarding his financial situation and career. There is nothing more comforting than the support of the person you love.