Question asked by May – I am trying to understand the ‘casual’ rules. I met a guy at an event; he approached me; we danced all night, laughed and I had a great time with him and his friends. Later he asked to leave with me in a cab as we were both a little under the influence. I said that I would go to his place but that I would not have sex with him. He said he was fine with this. I really wanted to stay with him because we had such a great connection, but I didn’t want to be that ‘easy girl’. He cuddled me all night, made some advances but never persisted. The most we did was kissing and touching. So, my question is, is it wrong to even go home with someone you just met even if you don’t have sex? Will he still view you as easy or un-classy? And was the touching and making out just as bad as having sex? It’s been a couple days and he has not called. Any advise will help, thank you!
Guys are very judgmental about a girl’s attitude towards relationship. If a girl decides to hook up with a guy within a day of meeting him, he’s bound to think of her as an “easy” catch and might even lose respect for her. Of course, not all guys are alike.
The fact that he did not bother calling you up shows that he’s not interested in the idea of pursuing a relationship with you, or may be he is not sure. It’s not necessarily because of the fact that you agreed to go to his place within a night of meeting him, it could also be that he already has a girlfriend, or he’s just a player who prefers variety to commitment.
You just met the guy at an event for an evening, you danced with him, and had a good time with him, but then you agreed to go to his place without any inhibition – that for a guy is a definition of an “easy” girl. The fact that you agreed to go to his place because you enjoyed his company, and actually liked him, might not really enter his mind – he would mostly think of you as a girl who is an easy lay, who has been in several short term relationships before, and hence not a girl worth getting into a relationship with. A guy is very circumspect about having a relationship with a girl who they think is an “easy” lay because he fears that she might cheat on him while in the relationship.
In a way it looks unfair that a guy should judge a girl this way, because it’s possible that a girl really falls in love with a guy, or is attracted to him, by the first meeting itself and she starts trusting him enough to allow him to take her to his place. But most guys understand that a classy girl would be highly circumspect about visiting an “unknown” guy’s place (it’s a risk after all because you really don’t know him at all). It doesn’t matter that you did not agree on sex, the very fact that you were willing to spend the night at his place, when you hardly know him, would cause him to think of you as an un-classy girl.
The fact still remains that if there was really a strong connection between the two of you, he would certainly have called back, or may be he will call you in the next few days. It’s all about connection. There are relationships which sparked within a night of meeting each other and stayed true for a life time and then there are relationships which took a whole year to build which break off in no time. So in the end it’s all about connection between two people. If he doesn’t call, it just implies that he did not feel the connection that you felt, and it’s all for the good.
Just a point aside, you don’t need to pretend or hide your true feelings or instincts. There are girls who appear “classy” who are actually more prone to cheating in a relationship than a girl who appears to be “easy” but stays the long term. It’s all about connection and you are sure to find a guy who finds a heart to heart bonding with you, so just stay true to your nature. There is no need to change or pretend.