Question asked by German Girl – Can you give me some tips on how to make a long distance relationship work?
Hi German Girl,
Making a relationship work is tough enough, add to it the factor of “distance” and you have quite a lot to contend with. It’s very common for most long distance relationships to fizz away especially when “visits” become infrequent. Of course, there are some couples who make it through a long distance relationship and finally end up married.
It would be an understatement to cite that it’s “difficult” to maintain a long distance relationship; the going gets really tough in most cases. Both partners need to be highly understanding and unconditional in their love in order to make it through the rigors of staying apart from each other. It’s possible, and many couples are a living example of how distance does not matter when the love is true.
Truth be said, men are never comfortable with long distance relationships. Being visual creatures, they always crave “physical” presence. In this article we seek to give some tips on how to make a long distance relationship work with a guy.
1.) Call him up at different times in a day
If it’s feasible, you should try calling him up at least once or twice a day, and make sure you don’t follow a particular pattern on your calling times. This way you will know where he is and what he’s doing through the day.
Keep the calls as short as possible, this way you will not be disturbing him if he’s working and also keep his interest level from dwindling.
2.) Make sure that he calls you too
You don’t want to create a “one way” traffic situation, where you are one who’s calling all the time. This way you will end up looking a bit “needy”.
If he does not call you, be sure to let him know that you expect him to call especially in the evenings (to be sure that he’s not with some other girl).
3.) Try to utilize the technology
There are so many innovative ways to keep in touch and feel close to each other even when you are apart, thanks to the internet and its technologies. Video chat is a very viable option nowadays; “Skype” is a great service in this regard. Google has also launched an efficient video chat portal.
When you do video chatting it’s like you are talking face to face, of course it’s virtual but it’s the next best thing to actually being together in person.
5.) Talk raunchy once in a while
He’s not having any real sex, so it may as well be some raunchy talk at least. There are some couples who actually get pretty good at having phone sex, but you don’t really have to do this if you are not so comfortable with it.
It’s enough to just talk sexy once in a while, just to get his imagination going.
To make a long distance relationship work, it’s important that the guy’s interest levels stay high, and you only have “words” to do it with.
6.) Visits are important
You must plan to visit at least once every 3 months if possible. These visits would help you stay the course for the rest of the time. It’s fine to just meet up for a couple of days.
Make sure you spend quality time together whenever you meet. Plan on meeting up on weekends so that you are not bothered with any other distractions.
7.) Keep your tussles to a minimum
When you are in a distance relationship, it never helps to enter into “fights”. It’s becomes really difficult to “patch up” when your only medium of communication is a phone, or an email.
So it’s best to avoid squabbles and arguments as much as possible. It’s also very stressful to have fights in distance relationships, because you are already missing the person a lot and now you are not even in “talking” terms.
8.) Learn to trust
There is no point in trying to have a long distance relationship if you find it difficult to trust each other.
Every moment of your day you will be thinking about what he’s up to and he might be thinking the same about you. You have to assure him of your loyalty and commitment towards the relationship, he needs to do the same.
Without a deep trust it’s easy for misunderstanding to creep into a distance relationship, especially since you can never be really sure of what the other person is doing.
9.) Reaffirm your love for each other
Distance relationship can go cold when talks reduce, and other priorities take over. It’s really important to reaffirm you love and faith in each other. True love can make it through the toughest of situations; but in the absence of communication it can become really difficult.
Don’t take it for granted and be sure to enunciate your love for him, ever so often, it’s really important to communicate your feelings in order to make a long distance relationship work.
10.) Be patient
Long distance relationships can be very stressful. There will be times when you feel like “quitting” on the relationship because you feel you are not going to make it. The fact that there is no physical intimacy, or sex, can also be a source of frustration for your boyfriend, as well as for you.
So it’s normal for the guy to get grouchy every now and then. It’s up to you to be patient and understanding during these times. Without patience there is no hope for a distance relationship to work out.
Tough times do happen in life. It’s very painful to be away from each other, when you are in love, but good things are in store for people who are patient and willing to face it out. After all, what better test of commitment can a relationship have? If you make it through the long distance phase, you will never doubt each other’s commitment to the relationship.