Question asked by Rose – I am currently in a long distance relationship. We are about 7 hours away from each other, but we can overcome it. So far, the longest relationship I have ever had is always less than 3 months. And my current relationship almost reaches 3 months. what should I do to keep my relationship healthy and work in long term? I’ve never been sure about man like this before. But it’d be hard since he looks like a sensitive type. I have done all tips you ever mention here, except the visits. We share our pics, and also call each other. Anyway, what should I say on the phone? Because sometimes I can get so shy and he also talks less. It would be weird if I asked him about pets, hobby, etc. like you mention here, because I already know them all.
And the last thing, it’s funny when you say, “Guys instinctively have a protective attitude towards a pretty girl; guys it’s as if they want to protect her innocence.” My boyfriend finds me beautiful, now I wonder why he sometimes talks raunchy and wants to make love with me? So he thinks I am hot instead of being cute? And what should I say when he wants to see my pics without ‘hurting’ him? I feel a bit uncomfortable, because he asks for it like in every few weeks, and i only have 2 of his pics (since he doesn’t have camera).
Long distance relationships are challenging but workable provided the both of you stay true to each other. If you have a feeling that he is the “Mr.Right” for you, then all you need to do is focus upon deepening the relationship. It’s all about shifting levels and getting closer at heart, shedding inhibitions and restrictions is a part of the journey of becoming more at one with each other.
Visits are critical to a long distance relationship and you would need to think about make it feasible. It’s best that you ask him to come over, so the two of you can go out dating for a day or two. Weekends are perfect for a brief rendezvous, and he can put up at a motel until you guys get comfortable with physical intimacy (after than he can stay at your place). Once he visits you a couple of times, you can also go on and visit him else he will feel like he’s the one making all the effort.
A major problem with long distance relationship is that with time you run out of things to talk about. So even though you really love to talk with this person, you can’t find things to talk about. Even the most loquacious girls and guys run out of topics to chat about after a few weeks. Most guys are not great at phone conversations because it’s difficult for them to express themselves through “voice” alone. So it’s normal for guys to talk less over phone. This is the reason why it’s so critical that you engage in “visits” at least once a month, because the physical interaction acts as the leverage during the period when you are away from each other. There is only so much that you can talk or chat about. Have you noticed that couples that stay together don’t really keep talking to each other all the time, majority of the time is spent in silence and it’s comfortable because they can see each other, but when you are on phone “silence” can be a killer.
If you call each other daily, it’s best to call up at night and talk about what you did the whole day. Ask him what he did through the day, go into the details of everything even if it seems trivial and then give him a detailed account of everything that you did through out the day. This can be fun if you are willing to be detailed about small aspects of your day to day happenings. It’s strange but something “new” always happens everyday, we just miss it because we don’t focus on it.
Coming to the second part of the question, yes it’s true that a guy does have a tendency to feel protective towards a girl who comes across as being cute, sweet and babyish, but that does not mean that he will not have sexual attraction towards her. The fact is that guys are more likely to fall in “love” with a cute, or beautifully pretty, girl than with a “hot” girl. In their own minds a “hot” girl is usually objectified as a sex object and the only thoughts they have about her are on how she would feel like in the bed. With a cute, modest and pretty girl, guys tend to fall for her beauty, feminism and tenderness first, and this instigates emotions of love and care within them. They tend to be protective and caring towards such a girl. This does not mean that they don’t want to have sex with her, but now it’s not about “raw lust” but about love coupled with sexual attraction. It’s completely natural for a guy to talk raunchy when he’s in the mood, but sex is not the only thing he thinks about when he is in love. When a guy is in love, he is interested the girl’s company per se and sex become an extension of this closeness.
On the subject of sharing pics, yes it can get uncomfortable for a girl to share her pics especially when the relationship is not a “done” deal. There is so much misuse going on over the internet that it’s better to be on the safer side until you really get to know the guy inside out. Of course, there is nothing wrong with sharing your pics with a guy you trust completely.
If you don’t want to share your pics presently, when he asks for your pic just tell him playfully that you are not going to share anymore pics until he comes and meets up with you. Tell him that you want him to see you in person instead of oogling at your pics. If he insists, just joke around with him and tell him that you have made up your mind about it, that you won’t share anymore pics till he meets up with you.
Make your relationship fun and don’t get too serious. If he is the shy type it’s best that you be the source of “coolness” in the relationship. Be funny, be easy and be romantic when you talk to him. Don’t judge him and don’t analyze everything he says, remember that’s guys are pretty bad at expressing themselves especially over phone.
Communication is the key to a relationship. Let him know that you find him to be your “love” interest, tell him that you find him close to your heart and that he means a lot to you. Get the love flowing, get playful and try to connect with his heart. Encourage him to open up with you and let him know that you will not judge him for anything. Be open and be unconditional in your acceptance of him if you want to sustain a long-term relationship. Focus on his positive aspects and things you love about him. If your love is deep and focused, life will take care of the rest.