Question asked by Lorraine – Ok, so I’ve been hung up over the same guy for the last two years. Neither of us have dated anyone else. His last girlfriend, from years before, is now his best friend. He hasn’t dated anyone during his college career. He’s an extremely good looking guy, who is kind and good natured. I have been killing myself wondering whether he’s into me, not into me, gay, or if he is indeed, just very very shy.
He’s a smart dresser, very ambitious, comes from a broken home of sorts, and is very athletic. We have similar interests, and when we go out–just the two of us (even not), we seem to talk until the wee hours of the night. He’s been very open with me recently.
We talk “politics” all the time, however. (it is something Im somewhat passionate about.) My friends cannot get a good read on him. I certainly can’t.
He took me out for my birthday; he helped my sister plan the following one; he’s brought me back something from some of his trips…we laugh a lot…but he absolutely will not make a move…and honestly, for me, the thought of even trying to hold his hand terrifies me–let alone trying to kiss him. I can’t seem to get the courage to flat out ask him, and I’m not sure if he’s just lonely–and thats why we just talk.
I’m pretty sure he tries to make eye contact…
What am I to do? Any help would be GREATLY appreciated, I am in desperate need of some advice. thanks!
The operative word here is “ambitious”. There are a pedigree of guys who, owing to their upbringing or genes, have a very strong orientation towards work and success. They derive their sense of identity from the success they attain from their career. These guys are like horses with “blinders” on, focused single pointedly upon their ambition. They want to make it big, they are competitive and can even be annoyingly stubborn in their pursuit of certain goals. Unfortunately, their brain is so wired towards their ambitions that they become quite “cold” when it comes to matters of heart. But it’s not all bad, there’s hope at the horizon.
The fact that your guy talk politics shows just how “unromantic” he presently is. Add to it the fact that he did not bother to make any “romantic” move for the past two years that you have been together, suggests that he has other priorities in mind, especially with regards to his career. The simple truth is that he is presently not in touch with his “romantic” center. In fact the reason why he is driving you so crazy, and the reason why you dig him so much, is because he is so unresponsive, cold and mysterious in his ways. You are attracted to him because you find him a challenge. But its time to take things forward, two years is a long time and you need to get a move on.
You need to get him to take a stand. He is presently just dangling you in a limbo, where you are totally confused. The best way to find out if a guy is interested in you is to test his “possessiveness” quotient. In other words, see if you can get him jealous. If he has feelings for you, he will have a certain possessiveness towards you.
You will need to figure out how to play out at making him jealous. May be you can talk to him about some “fictional” guy that you are hanging out with and see his reaction. You can come up with any plan you like, the bottom line is you want to see if he gets jealous. If he has feelings for you it will come to surface only when he finds out that he might “lose” you to some other guy. Right now he’s just taking it too cool with you. You can even borrow one your girlfriend’s boyfriend (a handsome one) to play a small part in your drama – get this guy to come and meet you while you are with your love interest, and see his reaction. The usual signs of jealously would be that he will get angry, frustrated or irritated when he sees you talking with this other guy.
Most guys start understanding their feelings for a girl only when they realize how much her company means to them. This feeling can only dawn on a guy when he suddenly finds out that he might lose her. This will prompt him to take some action, he will either confess his love for you or act in a manner that will make it evident that he is disturbed by the fact that you have another guy in your life.
Of course you can disclose your drama once things have been sorted between you two. This drama is needed simply because you say you don’t have the nerve to ask him on the face if he has feelings for you. Ambitious guys always want to win out, so if he loves you he will win you out when he finds his domain being threatened by a competition.