Question asked by Rimpi – I am a nice, pretty and cultured homely girl. I have a problem, whenever any guy approaches me I become a little careful. I always feel that he should not think that I am needy or uncultured or a very “fast type” of girl.In that urge I start talking & behaving with the person in a friendly way and I think it does not show him that I also have an attraction for him. This way I always lose the person. I feel that I need some time to get comfortable and be sure that I am not making a wrong move. What is my problem? I feel very hurt at the end of it. I interacted with a guy some time back, I was really interested in him but because of the same problem, I just said above, we are no more in touch. I really want him back. How do I show a man that I am interested in him?
When a guy is interested in you and he approaches you, he’s not sure whether you are “available” or taken. The only way he can ascertain this is by the way you behave with him. If you maintain an aloof and “friendly” attitude, he will imagine that you already have a boyfriend, or that you are not interested for some reason, and hence will move away. So unless you give him some clue that you are “available”, he will stop focusing on you.
If you are attracted to a guy, it’s pertinent that you give him some clue about it. Have you heard of “love at first sight”, it’s quite a rare thing but what is more common is “attraction at first sight”. It’s very normal to feel attracted to a person even when you know nothing about him/her. Love develops once you get to know the person. So when you feel attracted to a guy, it’s in your best interest if you allow yourself to get to know him and allow him to get to know you. Without this “interaction”, you will never know if you missed out on a fulfilling, and long term, relationship.
It’s quite normal for some girls to be “conservative” in their approach; you seem to be one of them. The reason why you behave this way is because of your overall conditioning influenced by your parents, friends and your genes. You are afraid that a guy would label you as an “uncultured” girl, if you opened out to him by showing your attraction.
First of all, you need to understand that this response is a result of your conditioning. So it’s just an “unconscious” pattern that you keep following. It’s absolutely okay to show your “interest”. No guy is ever going to label you as “uncultured” simply because you showed your interest in him. Why would he? Is it not normal human behavior to feel attracted to a member of the opposite sex? There is no reason for you to hide your attraction at all. Being “cultured” does not mean that you can’t feel attracted to someone, or that you can’t fall in love with someone.
Here are a few tips on how to show your attraction to a guy without coming off as being too “easy” or “desperate”.
Talk with your eyes
When you feel attracted to someone, you can easily convey your attraction through your eyes. It’s just about looking at guy with an element of “shyness” and love in your eyes. No guy would think of you as “uncultured” for making eye contact with him.
Drop the pretence
Be bold about your feelings, it’s natural to fall in love and feel attracted to someone. What’s the need to hide inside your shell? When you hide behind a mask of “friendly” aloofness, you are just not being authentic as a person, no wonder you feel hurt in the end. So when a guy, who you like, approaches you, don’t take on a “stranger” attitude with him and try to convey your “liking” for him in some subtle manner. Be friendly with him, but don’t push him way with your friendliness. Just stop pretending and the natural behavior will come through.
You don’t need to “flirt” to show your attraction
For some girls flirting comes easy while some avoid it completely because it feels “uncultured” to them. It’s a perspective and its fine. You don’t have to flirt with a guy to show that you are attracted to him. Just be “warm” towards him, and treat him like a special person by getting to know him more personally and paying attention to him. When you give your attention to someone, you are basically telling the person that he/she means something to you.
You have to take some risks in life
Learn to trust you intuition and take the risk of getting close to a guy you are attracted to. Don’t be too worried about it, and don’t analyze it so much initially, just let things flow for a while. Talk to him openly, and get to know him as a person. Once you feel a little comfortable, start going out with him and explore the possibility of a relationship. If things don’t work out, or if you find that he’s not the guy you are looking for, you can always distance yourself from him without being rude. But if you don’t risk the initial closeness you will never find out if the guy is right for you, and might miss out on an exciting relationship.
It’s totally fine for you to initiate the first contact
It does not always have to be the guys who approach the girls. It’s totally fine for a girl to approach a guy, or for a girl to expose her interest first. Always remember that “attraction” is a natural thing, and it has nothing to do with being “cultured” or uncultured. So if you lost out on a guy because of your “aloof” attitude, try getting back in touch with him. You can call him up, or message him, or chat with him, or give him a ping on facebook, there are so many ways to initiate contact. And this time, be open about your feelings. Start off by showing an active interest in trying to get to know him as a person.
Stop worrying so much about what a guy is going think about you. How does it matter what anyone thinks? What really matters is how open you are to your own feelings. If you suppress your emotions and feelings, you will suffer and get hurt eventually. Follow your heart, follow your intuition and be willing to show your love or attraction. God knows we need more love in this world.