I’ve been seeing a married man for about a year now. It’s a relationship unlike anything I’ve ever had. He is truly the most perfect man for me in so many ways. I am positive the relationship with his wife has been “over” for many years and they’ve simply lived together as a business arrangement more than anything. About 6 months ago though I began to question whether he really felt the same for me and ultimately I saw two other men. When he found out about this he tripled his overtures to me and has since made me absolutely certain I want to spend the rest of my life with him. However, when he found out about the two people I saw he is hurt beyond belief. I’ve tried everything I know to show him that I not only love but admire him and the two people I saw was a grave lack of judgment. He’s sceptical and hurt…is there any hope that we have a future together or will he always hold these two months against me? How to convince a man that I love him?
– Question asked by Patricia
Men are highly unforgiving when they sense anything close to infidelity, cheating or double-crossing in their woman. Many women don’t realize how sensitive men are regarding their relationship. Most men are highly possessive about their woman, whether they divulge it or not.
Jealousy is more rampant among men than women. In fact, lot of men get extremely angry when their girlfriend or wife talks about how hot some other guy is, he could be a stranger, a movie actor or even a brother. Men have been possessive of their women ever since the primitive days, it’s in their nature to keep a hold on their woman.
You went out with a couple of guys during an interim period, out a lack of judgment as you put it. He was definitely scalded by it and hence did his best to get you back into his life. He is no doubt very much in love with you and he finds you very attractive. The good news is that he is not going to leave you for what you did, but the bad news is that you will never hear the end of it, for a long time.
Men have a hard time trusting their women. For some strange reason, every man has this phobia that his woman might be cheating on him. On top of it, if they find even the smallest evidence of a lack of loyalty, they are sure to remember it forever. It’s possible that most men don’t trust their woman simply because they themselves behave in a very untrustworthy manner many times. Men cheat on their wives and girlfriends but are very fearful of the same thing happening to them.
Since he found out that you were going out with these two guys, he is going to be quite untrusting of you for a while. His mind will be spinning negative stories about what you did with those guys, and you will be amazed at how negative a male mind can get especially with the finer details. A man who loves a woman deeply develops equal amount of hate towards her if he finds out that she has not been loyal to him even in a small way.
You obviously had no emotional connect with either of the men you went out with, so you are clear in your heart that you did not cheat on your man. You obviously feel strong emotions for this man, but you will have quite a hard time convincing him of your love especially after this episode with those two guys. Most men have a hard time understanding the difference between attraction and casual dating. They don’t understand that the emotion of attraction comes much easier to them than it comes to women.
Since you love him so much, it’s up to you to re-develop the trust factor. Tell him clearly that you had no emotional feelings for the guys you went out with, and be very specific about telling him how much he means to you. You will need to convince him that you will stay true to the relationship and that you won’t hurt him again this way. It all depends on how well you communicate with him and soothe his insecurities. Men are highly insecure about the woman in their life, and they will feel much more comforted if women understood this aspect in them.