Question asked by Kimberly –
I do everything for my boyfriend,I give him money, sex whenever, call him. I mean absolutely do everything, but it seems like it’s not enough for him. Like he still goes off talks and try’s to see other girls.
Why does the guy try to talk or hangout with another girl?
Guys are as quick as girls to smell “neediness”.
This might seem a little too harsh to you, but the fact is that you are doing, all that you are doing, only to get his approval and love. That’s just plain neediness.
Once you start seeking love from a person, you become needy. It’s one thing to love and a totally different thing to “seek” love. People who seek love always have a “lower” value in the relationship, because their neediness becomes evident.
You give him everything cause you are afraid of losing him
You are giving him money, you agree to have sex with him whenever he wants and you “call” him all the time. The question is why do you do this? Is it because you love him or because you are afraid of losing him? The answer is evident if you are honest with yourself.
You are just afraid of losing him, that’s the reason why you have not broken up with him in-spite of knowing that he “goes around” with other girls. So you are willing to get exploited, to make sure he does not leave you.
As for this guy, may be being a playboy is his nature or may be he really doesn’t care for love and is more interested in sex and other pleasures. Whatever be the case, his nature is “his” nature; you can’t control it or complain about it. If you don’t like the way he is, you always have the choice of moving out.
Why does he see other girls when you give him everything?
It’s quite the wrong question to ask, why does he go off and try to see other girls even when I absolutely do everything for him?
He does it because he doesn’t care much for your feelings, neither is he emotionally attached to you. You cannot expect a guy to be in love with you just because you do absolutely everything for him. That’s not how a relationship ever works.
You will get exploited in any relationship you enter into, because you are seeking love and approval of others.
Stop seeking approval and move towards becoming more independent
You have to learn to become totally independent and stand alone first before you can have a fulfilling relationship. Independent people never get exploited and usually end up in healthy relationships. Stop craving love and just be comfortable with being alone for while. You have to learn to love yourself first.
Guys usually lose interest in a girl who is “too” willing to satisfy them. It would show that the girl is totally hooked.
There is no need for any manipulation, what’s needed is that you take full responsibility for yourself.
Stop asking yourself why your boyfriend is cheating on you, the more important question is why are you putting up with it?
Stop seeking approval of your boyfriend by satisfying all his whims and fancies, that’s not going to keep him in the relationship.
This is true for both guys and girls, if you are “needy” you will suffer. Craving love is the worst form of dependence, and it opens channels for exploitation. The one who cares less in a relationship, dominates it.
Be willing to stand alone, and don’t worry about “getting” loved. Don’t let anyone exploit you in anyway. You are not obliged to anyone and neither do you have to seek anyone’s approval or love; as a human being you came to this world alone and you have all the resources to stay happy within yourself.
If someone loves you, that’s good, and if you love that someone, that’s good too, but don’t ever try to “seek” love from anyone.
Finally, here’s what you should do about this relationship
Anything that comes easy and free loses its value.
Your boyfriend has lost interest in you because you are so ready to satisfy him all the time. You are so needy of his attention and approval.
He knows that you won’t leave him even if he insulted, or used you, in anyway. The blatant manner in which he is flirting, and carrying on affairs, with other girls, in your presence, just shows how badly he is treating you.
So if you want him to want you more, then set some healthy boundaries. Become a little more mysterious and thereby a challenge to him.
Stop giving him money. Restrict the sex and don’t give into his demands. Stop calling/texting him and let him call you instead. Tell him clearly that you will no longer tolerate such behaviour on his part and if he continues this behaviour you will have to break it off.
Even though this might seem counterproductive, this is the only way by which you can make him realize your value and thereby start to develop real feelings for you.
Having said that, this guy really does not seem like the kind of guy you want to be with in the first place. There is a low possibility that he will change and you are better off breaking this relationship off and looking for someone who values you and gives you the love that you deserve.