Question asked by Lisa – How do you respond to a guy when they were once a friend, but now don’t want to talk to you anymore? Does trying to fix the relationship actually make it worse?
I had a guy who I got on very well with and we hung out together and talked a lot together. It showed he cared for me, and I considered him a good friend.
I was sure he liked me too, as he would always smile from ear to ear around me, blush, ask me lots of questions about what I like, or think about things, brought me gifts, and be very protective or jealous around me.
I liked this guy very much. But when he started to change his behaviour around me and not be as interested, people said he didn’t like me anymore. So I asked him if he had liked me in the first place. The conversation went well, but said that he didn’t have feeling for me (but in a not convincing way), and said he thought I liked his friend.
Then when I encouraged him that I thought he was a great guy and what I appreciated in him, he went weird and avoided me for a couple of months. He looked scared of me.
I tried to talk to him about it, but it came out wrong, and came out as an insult, because I was feeling hurt and frustrated that I had done the wrong thing. He was then angry, and said he didn’t want me to talk to him again. If I tried to make it better, it actually made things worse. What could I have done wrong?.
He hasn’t wanted to talk to me since, and acts like he hates me.
Is it wise to apologize to a man, or to try and fix the situation, or to just leave it?
I see him everyday, and I care for him a lot, and so it hurts that I could have missed it all up.
I would want to set it right again, but not sure if this is possible.
It’s best not to beat around the bush with guys simply because some guys are very poor at taking hints.
If you care for him then spell it out to him in clear words. Tell him that you have feelings for him, and that you want to be with him as his girlfriend.
It’s much better if you clearly express what you feel without worrying about his reaction. Whatever be his response, you will at least know where you stand.
His behaviour does seem weird
It’s true that his behavior seems weird. The fact that he started avoiding you suddenly, and then kept his distance from you even after you expressed hints at liking him, does come off as strange.
It’s possible that he might have misunderstood what you said, or he might actually not have any feelings for you at all. The only way you can really find out is by confronting him with your feelings, and this time be very clear in expressing them.
It’s possible that he had feelings for you
You said that there was a time when he was bringing you gifts, and that he felt possessive towards you. So that implies that he had feelings for you.
It’s possible that something changed after that. He mentioned that he thought you liked his “friend”, this could mean that he misunderstood your behavior for some reason. Some guys are very confused about interpreting a girl’s actions, he could be one of them.
Arrange a private talk with him
It’s obvious that you have strong feelings for him and that he rides your mind most of the time.
His erratic behavior is definitely off putting but it’s in your best interest if you arrange for a little private talk with him.
You can get him a gift and while you present it to him, just tell him that you would like to have a small talk with him to clarify a few misunderstandings.
Just express your feelings bluntly without beating about the bush, tell him that you care for him and that you might be in love with him. Don’t worry too much about his immediate reaction. Give him a couple of days or a week so that he can come around to understanding his heart.
Know when to call it quits
If he tells you that he does not have feelings for you, and that he never did have feelings for you, then you know it’s over and so you can move on. It’s no use going after a guy when he’s not interested, it never works that way.
Guys are the chasers, not girls. If he is not interested just bury your feelings for him, and let life bring you a better partner (it will) and if he does have feelings for you then its all great. Be ready for both the situations.
Don’t make the mistake of suppressing your feelings, you will end up hating yourself for it later. More harm comes out of suppressing feelings than from expressing them.
All you are going to tell him is that you love him, you care for him and you feel attracted to him, so the worst he can do is walk away – he’s not going to hate you for loving him.