Does He Like Me Or Is He Just Being Nice?

Published on: September 25, 2016


Question asked by Imani – Hello,

There is this guy at my church that I really like but, I am not sure how he feels about me. I think he is a shy guy because he doesn’t speak to any one unless spoken to. So one day I said hello to him and I smiled that special smile:D and asked how he was doing. He seemed pretty receptive, he didn’t recoil, he smiled back. He then came and sat at the table I was at with others. I noticed sometimes he would look at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. He suddenly started doing nice gestures, like he got some food for our table to share, and the thing that really caught my attention was I was eating some spicy noodles and he noticed that I was suffering and fanning my mouth LOL so he looked at me and laughed and he turned red and said “I told you it was hot!” Then he didn’t say anything but he went all the way downstairs just to get me some water! Mind you, no one else at the table noticed or tried to help me, except him. That’s when I thought he might like me.
Now there was a previous interaction between me and him. One time he offered to give me and another guy a ride home. while the other guy was in the car he was nice and cordial, but as soon as that other guy left he leaned closer to me and he changed the station from christian music to rap! lol then he asked me If I was thirsty and I said “no” and he laughed nervously and never brought it up again. His behavior then seemed odd. I just don’t know what is going on in his mind. I think I should also mention that I am 19 and he is 32! Im sorry I know this question is all over the place LOL but can you help me sort this out?

So is he just being nice or does he like me?


Hi Imani,

From your description it’s quite clear that he does like you. You are right, he is a shy guy who uses his actions rather than words to convey his feelings. He has a soft corner for you, and it looks like he is attracted to you and if you can get him comfortable enough, he will open up with you.

Shy guys are regular guys except that they take time to get comfortable with the other person. Once they get comfortable you get to seem them in their true light. Shy guys do need acceptance and they feel comforted in the presence of a girl who does not judge them for their introverted behavior. They become easily extroverted once they get comfortable in your company, but till you will need to do the talking and initiating.

The age difference can also play on his mind a lot. So he will avoid any initiation until you make the first move. He would not have initiated conversation with you if you had not given him the “special” smile. He was obviously touched by the warmth in your smile and responded by sitting at your table. The thing with most shy guys is that they will never open up, about their feelings, in words unless they are certain they won’t be rebuked or criticized for it. They are highly sensitive to judgments and rudeness.

Since you are interested in him, it’s up to you start initiating conversations and closeness for a start. Don’t expect him to play the “wooer”, he won’t. He will respond to your initiation because it’s obvious that he is attracted to you. Moreover, he is bound to treat you with a lot affection. Shy guys are among the best lovers simply because they have a higher capacity for emotional bonding. Just because a guy is shy doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to open his heart out, it’s just that he wants to feel secure and comfortable in the company of the other person before doing so. Their sensitivity prevents them from being too open initially from the fear of getting hurt or rejected.

Age is really not a factor in relationship, it’s just made out to be a big deal. In fact, it’s much easier for a young girl to have a relationship with a mature man than with a guy her age. She will find him more steady, more stable and more experienced in handling her moods and eccentricities.