Question asked by Ally – So this guy and I meet about a month ago and Yes maybe the quickest thing that would ever happen in the history of my life but “I just feel it ” this is the last man I really think I will ever date. He and I have already brought up marriage and moving closer to each other. We are currently about an hr and half apart . So now we have so much in common so far. But as time goes on I bring up something new about me or a question I would like to know about him and sometime when it goes to the “past” ( I had a wild early 20’s ) and now he is like taken back and like he feels that I hold it back for a reason that it was chosen “omission facts ” and now it is almost coming to the point of argument which I don’t handle well IT’S THE PAST.
What should a girl do? when it comes up during a conversation while some of my girlfriends converse with him or even worse my parents? Do I just leave the wild times behind and not tell him or do I tell him and let him form his own opinions of me and possibly face him maybe throwing this away?
Unfortunately, most men are not very good at understanding (emotional matters) and are highly judgmental by nature. So to answer your question – the past is best left alone, if you don’t want to spoil your present. Forget the past, bury it and be done with it. Inform your family and your friends to not bring up your past in front of him. Whenever he asks about your past just give him a vague description, without going into any details, and color it up with a few “white” lies.
If you are worried about lying to him, and want to stay truthful in the relationship, just remember that you are doing this for him. Most guys are extremely jealous, possessive and egocentric by nature. If a few things in your past rubs him the wrong way, you will never hear the end of it. It can make your present relationship miserable. For example, if you had a fling with some guy in the past and you mention this to him, he will always bring it up every time you have a squabble. Moreover, he will keep mulling about it in his mind and come to all sorts of wrong conclusions and negative judgments.
Guys insist that they want to know the truth, but very few of them can really handle the truth with any maturity. Girls are much more mature about handling the past of a guy, they are much more forgiving and understanding because they usually have more tolerance and less ego. Many girls would accept a guy even if they become aware that he had several affairs in his past, but a guy would label a girl as a “slut”, or a nympho, even if she admits to having one wild affair. You will lose his trust, and you will lose his faith, if it turns out that he disapproves of your past. Are you willing to take such a risk? To what avail really?
The past is done and over with. It’s a memory. You are not the same person that you were when you were in your 20s. In fact, the person he’s in love with is not the person who did the wild things. There are so many wild things we do as a child, and many people carry it along with them in their memories well into their adult life as a part of their identity. It’s really silly to live in your past. The past is a good teacher but a bad friend.
Give him some minor details of your past. Tell him some glossy truths here and there just to satisfy his curiosity. Don’t act as if you have things to hide. The last thing you want is for him to start doubting your sincerity. Guys can get pretty wild in their imagination when they think that their girl is hiding something from them.
You need to relax and chill out about your past in your own mind. Just drop it and stop mulling about it. Let it be a wild story that’s over. You don’t have to feel guilty. You are not the same person anymore, you’ve grown up.
Always remember – “what the mind does not know, the heart does not grieve about”. If you tell him the lurid details of your past, it will go into his memory and he will keep reminding you of it through his behavior and attitude. He might even lose out on his respect or love for you. It’s not worth it. The past is a dead story, leave it at that.