Did I Scare This Guy Away By Being Too Forward?

Published on: September 25, 2016

Question asked by Mollie – Okay so I have been talking to this guy who lives in Canada. I live in Michigan. We are about 3 hours away from each other. I really like him. We have been talking for 2 months now and just recently decided to meet up. I went to Canada because he couldn’t come here. I really thought I was falling for him and he was the perfect gentleman, holding doors, kissing great, pays for everything and I had a very nice time. We hit it off well but then I think I scared him. I told him I was falling for him. He said it was too soon for me to think that and then he started acting distant from me. I stopped calling. Its been 4 days and now he called me and asked why I didn’t answer his messages. Honestly I didn’t receive any. What’s going on? Does he miss me?

Hi Mollie,

You made the “cardinal” mistake of becoming the “chaser” instead of the “chooser”.

Always remember this golden thumb rule – guys like to be “chasers”, they want to woo a girl and get her to love him. The girl on the other hand gets to be the “chooser”, she takes a call on whether she will give him the “pleasure” of her love.

In your case, you played the wrong card by expressing your love for him. Even if you had fallen for him, you’d have done better to have kept it to yourself and waited for him to make his move. A guy feels like he has won a million dollars when he “gets” his girl. On the other hand, if the girl comes to “easy” he loses interest. This is not true for all guys; there are many “shy” guys who like the girl to make the first move.

From your description of this guy, he certainly does not seem to be a “shy” guy. In fact he looks to be a pretty “charismatic” fellow. He obviously likes you, but you need to get him to “fall” in love with you. The only way that’s going to happen is when you be a “challenge”.

Another mistake of course was to travel to his place, instead of asking him to come over. If the guy really digs you he would gladly drive 3 hours every week to be with you. So your traveling to meet him, seems a little “desperate”, this is what he might have felt. You should’ve waited for him to make his move. If he wants to be with you, he will make his intentions very clear.

So what should do now? Just play it cool. Don’t come on to him again. Wait for him to make his move. Get him attracted to you by being a “challenge”. As a girl, you always have the liberty to be the “chooser”, why do you want to give this “right” away? Even if you really “love” him, don’t make it evident, it will get you nowhere. In fact, if he senses that you are “hooked” to him, he is bound to start treating you with less panache.

Being A Challenge For A Guy

Here are a few tips on how to be a challenge for a guy:

Don’t call him, let him call you

If you keep calling him, it just shows that you are desperate to talk to him. During the initial part of the relationship its best to let the guy call you. If he doesn’t call you, it just shows he has other “girls” in his life, or may be he loves his “work” more than girls. Either way, you know he is not interested if he rarely calls.

Be a little reserved during the initial dates

If you allow for too much intimacy during the first few dates, the guy is bound to think that you are “easy”. Act the reserved girl who is shy of kissing and touching, at least for the first few dates. Let him do the touching and let him initiate the kiss. Be “coy”, most guys love this attribute in girls.

Dress classy but “modest”

A lot of guys tend to have respect for girls who dress modestly. Moreover, if a girl wears a revealing dress to a date, a guy usually assumes that she can’t wait to get laid. This is what a guy thinks, even if the girl did not dress with that intention at all. So dress really classy but be sure to be “modest” with the revealing part.

If he loves you, he will come after you. If he doesn’t, then just move on. When a guy is in love, it becomes really evident because every action of his will convey his “desire”.

To be a challenge comes quite naturally to a girl. So just let your instincts do the job for you. Once he has expressed his love for you, then you can let yourself be free with expressing your emotions. Till then, just play the waiting game.