I get along so well with his family and have even been on vacation with them and vice versa.
We talk about the future all the time and are truly perfect for one another. We’re each other’s support system and are very much in love. We’re even interested in the same nerdy things!
Recently, he’s fallen back into a really bad depression. He didn’t tell me about this at all and began questioning our relationship saying he had “weird feelings” about us. TMI, but he lost interest in sex as well. He feels awful about all of this, and recently told me about the depression after a long and very emotional talk.
I want to be there for him so badly but it’s difficult because I’m hurting as well. Is it normal for someone with depression to question a relationship? Like I said, we were happy for so long and have never really had any major problems before this.
I’ve been so torn up thinking about potentially loosing someone who I see in my future forever but above all loosing my best friend. – Norah
Depression is a form of mental disease that can happen because of a wide variety of reasons. Extreme stress and chemical imbalance in the brain are the two major reasons cited. It is natural for someone experiencing depression to stay withdrawn and lose interest in day today activities. It is also not unusual for the depressed person to lose interest in sex.
The need to be lonely and withdrawn is very strong in a depressed person. your boyfriend probably feels that this ‘down phase’ in his life is going to last for a long time and does not want to put you through all this. This could be one reason why he expressed doubts over the relationship.
He probably feels that it would be in your best interest to leave him so you don’t suffer along with him. He definitely loves you but feeling love for you is causing him to feel even more guilty and burdened to drag you through all this. By expressing his doubts over the relationship, he is making it easy for you initiate a break-up if you want to free yourself from this situation.
Remember that he is experiencing sad emotions and is focusing only on the negative aspects at this moment. So he is definitely not thinking clearly.
Why is he depressed?
There could be a wide array of reasons why he is depressed. It could be past trauma/emotions resurfacing, a stressful event at work or at home, feeling of unworthiness, feeling a lack of direction in life, feeling under-achieved, not able to follow his dreams/desires or a conflicted mind.
How can you help?
The best thing you can do in this situation is to give him time and space. Let him sort this out on his own. Meantime, keep yourself occupied in some other activities so as not to feel his absence. Let him come back to you.
You can send him text messages or emails (although not too often) telling him that you support him and that you are here if he wants to talk. But don’t wait for an answer and don’t push him to answer either.
If he does open up, you can probe a little further asking why he is feeling depressed assuring him that you will understand whatever his reasons are. Have an accepting and supportive tone in your communication.
If you feel the need, you can try getting in touch with someone close to him, like a friend, sibling or even his parents to check up on him every once in a while.
Don’t loose hope and don’t beat yourself up over this. Realize that this is not your fault and there is not much you can do to remedy the situation. It’s your boyfriend who has to fix this on his own and hopefully he comes out of this stronger.
Do keep us posted in the comments below.