Question asked by Miss J – What if you become sarcastic too? Will that make him stop?
I have the same problem with my boyfriend but he wasn’t like this from the beginning. He only started being sarcastic when he got comfortable after we exchanged the I love you’s. If I ignore it, won’t it get worse especially after we get married, or have kids? Isn’t this a sign/red flag that he might be/become emotionally abusive? What if he starts doing it around my friends or his friends? Would this be also tolerable?
Hi Miss J,
Guys get rude, or sarcastic, at times simply to hide their insecurities or hurt. Sometimes men try to stamp their dominance by acting in a rude manner, whenever they feel that their authority is being questioned or threatened. It looks really uncalled for, but men will be men and it’s best that women just understand their wacky side a bit.
But there is a difference between a rudeness that stems from insecurity and a rudeness which stems from hatred. As a girl, you need to make sure if your boyfriend is being rude because he’s feeling hurt, or insecure, or do you sense a deeper level of spite or hatred in him?
Love and abuse don’t go hand in hand. As far as men are concerned, being rude is not abusive as long as it does not stem from hatred, spite or extreme resentment. Men do get rude from time to time, blame it on their testosterone, but if you sense a vibe of hatred or spite in his voice then you need to get a little cautious.
You say that he was not sarcastic before the relationship, but he started getting frequently sarcastic, and rude, after you guys got committed. This again can be quite normal with many guys, in that they get more comfortable with “being themselves” when they sense stability in the relationship. May be your boyfriend is a little inclined towards being “critical” and sarcastic by his very nature, and he opened up this face of his after he got completely comfortable with you.
Talk To Him About It
Since you don’t like it, or approve of it, it’s best that you have a talk with him regarding his behavior. He may not even be aware that you are feeling hurt by his remarks and comments. So bring it out in the open, and cite instances when you got hurt by the things he said. Tell him clearly that you are very sensitive to his remarks and that you will like for him to be softer, and more understanding, with you. If he really loves you, he will try to keep his unruly behavior in control (though he may not succeed all the time).
If you see him continue his behavior rampantly, even after you clarified your sentiments about it, then it surely implies a lack of affection, or caring, on his part. A man who is affectionate towards his girl would definitely care for her feelings as a priority. Being rude, or critical, is completely normal as long as it’s occasional. It should not be a frequent or consistent thing with him.
Will This Get Worse?
What makes you think that he will turn out to be an abusive husband? Is it just a negative thought or do you feel it in your gut that he has an “abusive” streak to him? Many girls get paranoid about their man turning abusive, simply because they hear so much about it in the news, and from their friends. You need to be clear on whether this feeling is just paranoia or is it rooted in evidenced behavior on his part.
Can You Sense The Emotional Connection?
Keep a level head and observe him. Can you sense love in his attitude towards you? Can you feel a vibe of emotional connect between the two of you? Can you feel that he is protective and concerned about your well being? Can you feel that he’s willing to take responsibility for you? Can you feel that he is tender and loving when the situation warrants it? Just try to make a gut check on all of this. Trust your heart, not your mind. Always remember that the only thing that can ever make a relationship work is love, and when there is love everything else sorts out by itself.
Tit for tat never works with guys, so if you try to be sarcastic to counter his rudeness it will just make matters worse. Guys hate feeling intimidated and they feel very scalded when their girl gets peevish with them. Love and understanding is what heals even the worst of behaviors. So if you love him, work through this situation with love.