I met a guy about 2 months ago. He is 10 years younger than me. When we first met, age never came up, I just knew his age through someone else. I think he sensed I was older but he never asked me. He was the pursuer through out the time we hung out. After a few dates, we became more intimate and the chemistry was very strong. We kissed for hours and seemed to never get enough. One night a few weeks ago we had a nice evening, and again it seemed like we couldn’t get enough of each other. After that, a few days went by and he started acting distant. Being hurt and confused at the same time, I asked why he seems to get distant after we get together and if he didn’t want to do this anymore (he had a very busy schedule) than I understand… His response was so unexpected (well kind of). He said he didn’t want to lead me on anymore and that yes we had conflicting schedules. He said that he wanted it to work but he has other priorities and is not in a position to be in a relationship. It has been a few weeks and we have not spoken. I am hurt deeply and miss him a lot. Is there hope to hear from him again…. That is my question…
– Name Not Revealed
In relationship – Age does matter, especially the guy’s age. Try as you will, there is something about a relationship between a young guy with an older woman which never works out. When it comes to emotional maturity, guys mature at a pace lower than women. So when you have a relationship with a guy who is 10 years younger to you, it’s like a complete imbalance when it comes to emotional compatibility (which is needed for a long term relationship).
Young guys do pursue girls, or women, older than them and it’s quite normal for them to do so. In fact, many men do enjoy having a relationship with a woman who is older to them. This is because men love the wisdom a woman garners with age, she does not have the bratty attitude which most young girls might have. Most women acquire a maturity, with age, which is very attractive to men (as it seems to compliment their own immaturity).
So when young men find older women attractive, why does the relationship not work out in most cases? Simply because of the imbalance in emotional maturity of the partners involved. It’s fun for short-term, but a guy cannot imagine living with an older woman because in the next few years the “maturity” gap is going to widen. He will find it much more enticing to be with a younger woman, or a woman his age, because there will less of a maturity gap. Remember that all this thinking happens at a subconscious level in a guy’s mind, so he’s not even aware of why he’s losing interest in the relationship.
Relationships work at two levels – fun and stability. You can have fun with a guy younger than you, but you can never expect stability (unless the guy is really mature and wise for his age, which is rare). If you want stability, it’s your best bet to be with a man who is older to you, or the same age as you.
Guys are bothered deeply by the age difference, whether they reveal it or not. They are always contemplating how things will be in the next few years, and they don’t usually see a pretty picture. Most guys find that though the relationship, with a older woman, is stable and less of a drain, as compared to a relationship with a volatile young girl, it’s also far less exciting (not compatible to their present maturity). A man your age, or older to you, will match your maturity and thus will be more compatible.
This guy was sincere enough to tell you that he does not want to “lead you on”. Of course he gave the excuse of his work, but in reality the factor was “age”. At least he was not a “player” who might have used you for his pleasure only to dump you later for a younger girl.
It’s natural that you are hurt deeply by his behavior and attitude, but a different way to look at it would be that it happened for the good. Just imagine how much more painful it would have been if this had happened after marriage, or after a few years of being in the relationship, because it’s a given that such an age difference would not really work out in the long run. It’s just not wise to have a relationship with a guy younger than you, it’s bound to end up in a break off, and it’s bound to feel miserable for the woman involved.
When it comes to men, always go for someone who is your age, or older to you. This way you will have to deal with much less incompatibility issues and you will feel more secure in his company. To answer you question – I am sorry to say but I highly doubt he will come back; but to tell you the truth, it’s for the good. You are sure to find the love and stability that you are seeking, the right man will come by soon enough – just stop searching in the wrong places.