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If you are in a serious relationship with a man and he has inappropriate sexual demands should you allow them? If you think they are disgusting and degrading should you allow them? - Armia
Hi Armia,
If you find his demands inappropriate or disgusting there is no reason for you to follow up on it. Love and respect go hand in hand, if you lose respect you lose love automatically, this includes self-respect as well as respect for your partner.
There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to try out something new sexually with his girl, but it's upto the girl to determine if she is comfortable with it. For example, some guys would be interested in trying out BDSM as a new experience. If the girl finds it disgusting or degrading to her self-image she should be open about it and let the guy know that she is not interested. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, it's that simple. A relationship should also allow for personal preferences and should not become exploitative.
Of course you don't have to look down upon your "man" for wanting to try something that you don't find appropriate. Each of us is unique and we have our own fantasies and desires when it comes to sex. It's also important that he understands your comfort levels and does not berate you for not fulfilling his desires. A relationship is not just a give & take instituition, it should be much deeper than that. It should involve respect, understanding and emphathy. A lack of these qualities in a relationship will cause it to collapse in time.
Having said that, you can also consider a different perspective. Is there any specific reason why you find a certain sexual demand disgusting or inappropriate? Does it have something to do with a mental block you have or is it just a moral standpoint? Sometimes we avoid new ventures because we are unreasonably afraid of the unknown. So make sure you are not avoiding something just because of a mental hang up, for all you know you might find yourself enjoying what you thought was "disgusting". The mind can play such tricks. New experiences can trigger fear but you should be open enough to evaluate the reasons why you feel such fear. So be sure to check up on this angle also.
A close relationship exists when the partners are willing to trust each other completely and feel very comfortable in each other's company. Issues of "ego" should ideally be non-existent in a deep relationship. But the ideal is usually not always the case.
It's important that you draw the line between compromises and self-respect. If you end up feeling exploited or abused, the stigma will end up hurting your relationship deeply. So it's vital not to compromise on one's self respect on any account.
Without feeling guilty just let him know what you feel. You don't need to feel bad about denying something you don't think is right for you. If he loves you for who you are, he will understand your standpoint and will not hold it against you.
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