My Boyfriend is Upset With Me and Says It Is Because I Don’t Trust Him


Published on: September 25, 2016

Me and my boyfriend are both 16 years old. We are in a relationship since 4 months. In the first month he was very romantic, caring and possessive about me but as the time passed we had increasing distances between us. We had even broken up once. But later we patched up. Now the problem is he has started talking to his ex who happens to be a close friend of mine. Even if I want, I cant object. I trust both of them. But of late, they have become very close. One of my friends heard them saying they wished they didn’t break up. So I asked my boyfriend whether he is patching up with her. He got upset with me and said it was because I didn’t trust him. I want to apologize but he isn’t replaying to my messages. What do I do?- Dormica

Hi Dormica,

Guys take longer than girls to get emotionally mature. At the age of 14, he is bound to be very impulsive and unstable especially when it comes to relationships. Very few guys have the maturity to handle a long-term, stable relationship at such a young age. Again, this is the age when most guys are in their “explorer” mentality, and are looking to get as many experiences as they can, so it’s not surprising that most of their relationships are short-term.

You are quite young yourself, and come across as an “innocent” girl, and it’s obvious that you are not well versed with the dynamics of a guy’s behavior. To put things bluntly, your boyfriend is cheating on you, at least at the emotional level. He is presently bonding with his ex-girlfriend, emotionally (and may be physically too). The only reason why he’s doing this is because he’s lost interest in your relationship. But don’t take this personally, it’s not your fault, it’s quite evident that your boyfriend has a “vacillating” mind and presently he is impulsive and “immature” in his approach to relationships.

If you don’t agree to the above analysis, just wait for a few months and things would become chalk clear. Your boyfriend is trying to get back with his ex-girlfriend mostly because he just feels a need for a change. He wants “more”, and it’s quite evident that he does not care much for your feelings at this stage. If a guy really digs his present girlfriend, he will never try to get back to his “ex”. Don’t live in an innocent dream that your boyfriend is just being “friends” with his ex-girlfriend, or else you will be in for a rude awakening.

There are no two guesses about the fact that your boyfriend is trying to get back with his ex-girlfriend. So what should you be doing now? Here are a few pointers.

Don’t bother asking for explanations – Most guys are great at coming up with excuses for their “infidel” behavior. They will cheat and then they will lie with a “halo” on their head. There is no point asking him for explanations on whether he is trying to get back to his ex-girlfriend. That’s so completely futile, and it will only show you in a poor light as you come across as a “desperate” girl trying to fix the relationship. Is it not obvious to you that your boyfriend is avoiding you because he’s lost interest? Why are you putting yourself through more pain by going after him asking for reassurances?

You don’t have to put up with “infidelity” – It’s pretty “weak”, and naïve, on your part to allow your boyfriend to “date” his ex-girlfriend, and claim that you can’t help it since she is your best friend. Well guess what, your “best” friend does not mind insulting you by going around with your present boyfriend. You really seem to be very naive, and might have to deal with a few “awakening” experiences to understand that not everyone is as innocent as you are.

Always remember that if you allow a guy to take you for granted, then he will cheat on you. By allowing him to date his ex, you indirectly told him that you are “powerless” in your love, and that you will take any “nonsense” from your boyfriend lying down. This is weak behavior on your part, and your boyfriend looks like he is exploiting this weakness in you. In fact, this weak behavior could well be the reason why he lost interest in you in the first place.

Develop confidence within yourself – The one person that you really need to love and respect is “yourself”, because in the absence of a “self love” there can never be external love. Presently, it looks like you are setting yourself up for humiliation and frustration. Innocence is a beautiful quality, but when you are with the wrong guy he is only going to exploit it. It’s much better to be “prudent” and wise, instead of living under the cloak of innocence that leaves you hurt and abused. Be confident within yourself, and stop depending on a relationship to give you identity. You should have the strength to “walk out” on a relationship which is clearly not working.

When he “cheats” just leave – It’s evident that your boyfriend is trying to get back to his ex-girlfriend, and you can just check in on your intuition to confirm it. But instead of walking out on him, you went ahead and asked him for an explanation. He obviously denied everything and blamed you for not trusting him, like any guy would do. And now “you” are trying to apologize to him? For what? Shouldn’t he be the one apologizing for going around with his ex-girlfriend while he is in a relationship with you? It’s so obvious that you are living in denial. Any other “confident” girl would have kicked her boyfriend out and moved on when she gets know that he is trying to get back with his ex.

Learn to detect “true” love – If a guy really loves you, he will not do anything to hurt your feelings or disrespect you in any way by cheating on you. Arguments, verbal fights and small squabbles are a part of any healthy relationship, but not “infidelity”. True love is always “devoted”. In this case, it seems quite clear that your boyfriend is not really in love with you, and he is “looking out”. You are placing too many expectations on a “broken” relationship, and quite simply, you are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt. You love your boyfriend, but it does not look like he values you love. Be strong enough to call it the quits and move on. Stop buying into ridiculous explanations. Always trust your intuition, it’s a truth meter that will help guide and protect you.

In conclusion, the simple advice would be to stop being so innocent and wake up to the reality of things. Stop putting up with things which you don’t like, and stop making excuses to defend your positions. Learn to call a spade a spade, and have the courage to move on instead of taking bullshit from people. Reserve your love for someone who deserves it.