Boyfriend Stopped Talking To Me After a Fight

Published on: July 6, 2015

Question asked by Maggie – After a fight, which I agree was clearly my fault, my boyfriend said we should “let things lie” and “be calm”, and he hasn’t called me or texted me in 3 days.

I said some extremely mean things to him which I really shouldn’t have. I have tried talking to him but he doesn’t answer or pick up the phone, what can I do? Are we breaking up?

Hi Maggie,

Let’s just say that your boyfriend is wounded and wants some time away from you.

It’s quite likely that you offended or hurt his “male ego”, in some way, during the fight.

Most guys are like “quite dynamites”, thanks to their soft shelled male egos. You hurt his ego and you trigger off this dynamite; and once it blows he’s going to act like an angry hornet till it cools off. Whatever you said or did during the fight, you need to remember not to push those buttons again.

Rest assured, this is not a break up. You guys will patch up again in time. Right now all he wants is some contemplative time to sort things out in his mind.

There is also a possibility that he is acting passive aggressive and wants you to feel the pain of “missing” him.

Indirectly, he’s just letting you know that he will not tolerate the “attitude” that you showed during the fight.

So What Should You Be Doing Now?

Here are a few things you can do to remedy the situation at hand.

1.) Take a break yourself

The more you try to approach him the more he will wait you out. So just let be, and take a break for a while.

Don’t worry about the relationship; this is certainly not a break up, if it was he would have picked up your call and let you know that he doesn’t want to continue further.

Let the cold war thaw out for a while and let him calm down. Stop calling him if he’s not picking your calls, stop trying to get in touch with him if he’s avoiding you, and just live your life for a while.

Hang out with your friends, take care of your work, entertain yourself to some music or shopping, and relax.

2.) Make him miss you

You have two options here; you can let him know that you can’t live without him and come off as being desperate or you can stay cool and make him miss you.

If you come off as being desperate, he might lose his interest because you’ve become too predictable. So it’s in your best interest to stop going after him.

Of course, if you think you did or said something wrong during the fight, you should apologize sincerely, but don’t make him feel that you are “helpless” without him.

If he is not picking up the phone, you can send your apology in an email or text message. Do not send any more than one message.

3.) Stop thinking negative

The more you worry yourself into imagining all the negative consequences, the more desperate you will become. Just relax and let life happen.

It’s of no use projecting into the future and imaging the things that can go wrong. You can never know for certain what will happen, so why sit and contemplate it? Why not just keep yourself in a positive state of mind and allow life to take its course?

There won’t be a break up, but even if there is, it would only be for the best. In life, everything that happens eventually happens for the good. Stay cool, and trust life instead of trusting your “mind”.

4.) Avoid the drama

When he approaches you for a patch up, or when a “patch up” situation happens, just be sincere in your apology and let him know, in a level headed way, that you love him and that whatever you said was in “anger” and not intentional.

Be genuine in your response and speak from the heart. The last thing you want to do is to come off looking “dramatic”. At no point should you give in to your negative emotions of “neediness” and fear. Don’t appeal to him, or seek his forgiveness, don’t ask anything of him. If you were in wrong, just apologize for it and let him decide if he wants to patch up.

Avoid being “needy” or dramatic as it will work against you in the long run. Remember, your boyfriend is not breaking up with you, he’s just playing it, so don’t get caught in the drama.

Your boyfriend comes across as a guy of “high value”. The fact that he is allowing his silence to do the talking speaks about his restraint and maturity. He definitely has a sense of character and patience within him, and you need to mirror the same.

Love and respect go hand in hand; and respect is earned through strength of character.

  • Barb

    Maggie, The advice given above was right on the mark. My boyfriend did the same thing to me when I kept him up too late one night before a workday, talking. He didn’t get enough sleep. So he didn’t speak to me for 3 days, wouldn’t take my calls or answer my messages either. Finally, I went to his place, made him a dinner and asked him calmly, “Are you breaking up with me?” He chuckled, said no, and told me he was just trying to teach me not to keep him up late on a work night. That was all! Personally, I think it is cruel to do this to us girls–why can’t they just come out and tell us what’s up? Anyway, the advice above is terrific!–Barb

    • Ann

      I have a question know this was written 10 months ago, but my bf drives for a living. We had planned a trip to go to the Dominican where he is from together back in September. Well after everything we ended up not going. So now this past Monday he told me he’s planning his own trip there for a week and wants to later go for a month this year. So I was cool. But as I thought and talked to a friend she said why wouldn’t he want to have take you that’s really odd. So I had talked to home later that night and in a super calm manner told him I was hurt he didn’t want me to go. He gave an array of reasons it wasn’t a good idea then said maybe he just wanted to party and it wasn’t my business. Hung up on me. Which this has happened before. Well I tried him back a lil later, nothing. Tried home on Tuesday nothing. He responded that night he’s “seriously reconsidering this relationship”. Anyhow we’d came, I had texted him got a two word response in the am, and let the day go, I called him on my lunch nothing. Texted I’m sorry if I upset him it wasn’t my intention told him u know when I’m off if u wanna call. Still nothing so I got home from work that night was trying not to call. And ended up trying once and texted I wanted to say night. And asked r we not speaking? This is ridiculous I said. Still nothing. Well now it’s Thurs and I have so far refrained from trying. Is he dumping me? What do I do?

      • Lizzy Gee

        So you’re actively trying to get a man, who is paying you no attention and showing you zero respect, in your life? Can I ask when you decided to stop respecting yourself? Stand up and be a strong woman who no man treats like a doormat. Listen to some Beyoncé and go out and look at allllll the other amazing, available men that you’re missing out on because you’ve got your sights set on this fool. He doesn’t deserve your time or energy. Get another man, he’s not afraid of losing you because you’re not giving him any indication that you have boundaries and respect yourself. School him. And google Rori Raye. Best of luck xx

  • Yvonne

    Help I’m so sad. My guy got mad at me 5 days ago & wont talk; blocked me on his phone & all social media. It was abrupt & painful he basically told me to F off. I know I’ve done nothing wrong. Now I have no contact with him. Everyone says let him cool down if he’s a real man he will be back. Please someone give me some good advice

    • Val Salbahe

      -If he still loves you he will be back 🙂 if not then just move on! Cheer up!

  • Val Salbahe

    -its clear that his not into you..You should move on and forget him. get some new hubby..

  • VinoForPrez

    Very good read. My bf got very angry with me on April 1 because I had an anxiety attack while running an errand for him. I had a lot of other things I had to do, the errand took longer, I felt I was in danger, and he thought I hung up on him which made him raise his voice and I burst into tears, which made him hang up on me. We didn’t speak until later, when he angrily spoke to me and didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.

    It’s been 3 days and he still has not contacted me. He has a temper so this isn’t the first time he’s blown up then given me the silent treatment. Usually I try and make apology attempts, but this time I have not contacted him as I want to give him space and don’t want to make things worse. Am I going about this the right way?

    • Kasturi Vats

      yes calm down there is nothing that much serious. he’s just pissed off that’s y he is giving u silent treatment.
      let him miss u n he will b back to you after a day or two. 🙂

  • Kasturi Vats

    my bf got angry with me on 1st April. there was a misunderstanding between us firstly it was his fault n he apologized too.but i switched my fon off for few hours to avoid him. at night we were having a chat bt then i told him to sleep n while going offline i again taunted him for his mistake he made same day. he got pissed off but i thought that was not too serious. next day i tried contacting him but he didn’t picked my calls. n at night he said don’t msg me m pissed off.leave me alone I’ll contact u whenever i feel ok..
    next day also i tried talking to him n same response. i was worried if it was a breakup. he said no it is not. i just need some time.
    but yesterday we had an eye contact n he was smiling n me too.we were looking into each others eyes n laughing too..but after that also he didn’t contacted me.
    what should i do ???

  • Stefanie Mamone

    My boyfriend got mad at me a month ago because of something negative I said to his best friend. My boyfriend said that we need space from each other so we’re not seeing each other until May. We talked just not about relationship I think he wants me to think the relationship is over. We have been in each other’s lives for 10 years. I said to him the other day I think that you don’t want me out of your life your just trying to make me think that way. I said is that possible. He replied with Possibly and that he doesn’t have a yes or no answer.

  • Stefanie Mamone

    My boyfriend got mad at me a month ago because of something negative I said to his best friend. My boyfriend said that we need space from each other so we’re not seeing each other until May. We talked just not about relationship I think he wants me to think the relationship is over. We have been in each other’s lives for 10 years. I said to him the other day I think that you don’t want me out of your life your just trying to make me think that way. I said is that possible. He replied with Possibly and that he doesn’t have a yes or no answer.

  • Anonymous Lover

    I’ll just get straight to the point…on Friday, my guy and I were at his relatives/cousins for a get together. I was drinking too much, and somehow started getting insecure of our relationship (maybe because we aren’t in a committed relationship & we’ve been dating for 5 months).

    I’m not sure how I got so angry, but somehow I followed him into the bathroom, and scratched him in his face. He was bleeding quite badly. I’m not for sure if he said something to trigger me or not, but when I did it, I didn’t feel bad. Saturday the next day I had to go to work & he wasn’t answering the phone, or responding to any of my texts.

    He eventually replied saying yes we could talk but not at that time, he just needed some space. I’ve never been in the situation, so I completely stopped calling/texting on Sunday. My little brother says to wait until Tuesday, but I feel like it shouldn’t take that long for him to forgive me if he loves me like he really says. His family still loves me, but I do hate that I embarrassed myself and he in front of everyone. In the meantime I’ll just continue waiting and think about the next meal I’ll cook him.

    Anybody ever been in a similar situation? I’d love a response. ❤️

    • Catherine Formentera Buta

      All humans have ego dear. Maybe you have badly touched his not just physically but also emotionally. Give him space but do not forget to send him sweet messages and reminders of his routines (if he has). Just be patient, you can also send him letter of apology. In that way you will win him back.

  • Catherine Formentera Buta

    you should be careful in making out next time. try to use calendar or rythm method if you have a regular cycle. i personally tried it and it’s effective.

  • Chanice Watson

    So I have this issue , lately I been feeling like my boyfriend is getting too comfortable and , I know he loves me but , but he’s become a bit comfortable in our relationship, so I approach him about it and we got in to a fight and he left my house and usually if we didn’t fight he would text me that he was home that night he didn’t text or call me . Today I haven’t heard from him at all ? Should I be worried and do you think he misses me as much as I miss him ?

    • Melissadragonfly

      Chanice… my story above yours….I feel your pain. 😓


  • Melissadragonfly

    Wow….this sounds like my story. Been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We both love eachother. For some reason I always end up ranting to him lately and I know he cannot stand the drama. I’m the type that needs to talk things out. I don’t like to hold things in that are bothering me. He is the opposite. He will talk when he has issues on his mind, but when we get in an argument I always get the silent treatment, which drives me nuts. I always respect his need for space after a fight and he has always come back to me saying he misses me. This time I accused him of lying and he went nuts. First said he didn’t want to see me anymore, then after talking via phone says he needs a week away from me. I already told him I was very sorry. Haven’t heard a word from him all day. I’m so scared he won’t come back to me. Anyone have any thoughts?

  • Madison Biggs

    So me and my boyfriend just got back together after couple months not being together I am 17 weeks pregnant to him he found it hard that he was gonna be a dad but he’s fully turned around and done as much as he can in a week time we had our first argument on Tuesday night were i was in so much pain and i just took it all on him now he’s giving me the silent treatment ,won’t talk or txt me back since Tuesday and its bugging me so much, i know i was in the wrong for going off at him like that when I shouldn’t have. We haven’t ended it but I am seriously confused :/

  • Emely

    Girls girls, when are you all going to realize that these type of guys who ignore you and or avoid talking things out are NOT MEN!!! They are boys!! If you go out with older men they will drop their knees to make sure you are happy and will be willing to talk things out. Real mature men who have had enough experience in life will understand how we are females react, behave etc esp when we are upset. They put up with the mood swings and tantrums.
    Boys do not know this is normal for a woman. They dont know that we are very emotional beings. They have no experience and they will run away from every issue or drama because they are not confident enough to solve it. They are cowards!

    Please find older men not little boys.

    • R.R. Q

      I am/ or was in relation with an older man, (14 years older) And yet this is happening to me, so I don’t think what you say is completely true. At one point they really won’t put up with tantrums, unless they are really desperate. Yet the kind of love he gave me was so much more intense then any younger guy I dated.

    • cynthia

      I beg to differ about older men.. i was dating a man age 58 for 4 years, we are the same age. We had our 1st small disagreement 3 weeks ago.. nothing major. But, he stormed out of my house, drove home. And, then blocked my number. Wont respond to text, email nothing. Thats not a man. Havent heard one word from him in 3 weeks.