My Boyfriend is Not Ready for Sex

Published on: September 25, 2016

Question asked by Marley – My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. I kinda feel ready to have sex, but we want to be ready together. What should I do? He isn’t ready yet so he says.

Hi Marley,

It’s quite a “stunner” when a guy says he’s not ready for sex. You really ought to dig into the reasons on why he feels this way. After all, sex is usually something a guy would look forward to. Most guys don’t even need to be asked if they are ready for sex, all you need to do is give a hint and they are more than ready to have the intimacy going.

If your boyfriend isn’t ready for sex, it’s up to you to find out what the real reasons are. Here’s a list of a few common reasons why a guy might feel inhibited about having sex with his girlfriend.

He is suffering from some form of sexual inadequacy

Guys tend to be very self conscious about their sexual performance. There is a small possibility that he might be suffering from a psychological, or a physical problem, with respect to sex.

If he is suffering from any form of mental hang ups about his sexuality or “sexual performance”, then it can be quite a tough situation to deal with. Of course, the chances of this actually being the case with your boyfriend is slim. So just keep this in the back of your mind, and if you guys are really close it would be fine to just ask him casually if there is any problem, regarding sex, that he would want to discuss with you.

He is not ready for a committed relationship

Sex does take the relationship into a new level. If your boyfriend really loves you and is committed to you, his feelings will not change after you guys share sexual intimacy. But if he’s not really committed to you, and is not so sure about the relationship, then sex can be a hang up. He might feel that having sex with you would indirectly mean that he is “committed”, and may be he’s not mentally ready for a serious relationship.

It helps to figure out where you guys stand in your relationship. It’s so easy to misunderstand the other person’s intentions or feelings, unless you really talk it out. Ask him if he has any uncertainties about the relationship and if that’s the reason why he is avoiding sex.

He is a “shy” type guy

There are a lot of shy guys who are very self conscious about “nakedness” and physical intimacy. This is mostly because they are afraid of being ridiculed or laughed up, for appearing foolish or clumsy. Being shy can be really tough for a guy, because he can’t even express his problems without appearing to sound like a “wimp”.

As his girlfriend, you can help him out by allowing him to see how “unconditional” you love for him is. Let him know that you love him for the person he is and nothing would really change your feelings for him.

In conclusion, relationship is all about attention and acceptance. The more “accepting” you are, the more vistas you have for love to bloom. Get really curious (not nosy, just lovingly curious) about everything about your boyfriend, give him a lot of attention and let him know that you genuine care for him. If he has any uncertainties your acceptance and attention should help clear them off.