Question asked by Carter Blake – Okay so my boyfriend sometimes talks to his ex girlfriend and some other girls like one girl he met at his friends house once, we’ve been together for 10 months and he trusts me when I talk to other guys and hangout with them. He asked me once if he could hang out with his ex girlfriend and I freaked out and said no. I just feel like when they talk it causes conflict in our relationship. Also this other girl texts him a ton. I read one texts that he got from her (and he caught me) and it said hey handsome.. and something about how she was trying to see if it was warm enough to take her pants off in bed. He didn’t say anything back that hinted anything but he put a smiley face at the end. Should I be worried or is it just me not being able to trust him (like he thinks) ? (we’re both 18 if that helps anything)
18 is a pretty confusing age as far as relationships are concerned. Most guys are very immature regarding relationships till they hit 22 to 24 years, and even then it’s doubtful in many cases. An 18 year old guy is sure to be caught up in a lot of indecision about trust, loyalty and commitment.
You said that his ex-girlfriend sends him a lot of text messages and that he even asked your permission to hang out with her, the bad news is that these a serious indications that he might still have feelings for her, either emotional or sexual. The message you caught him with seems pretty suggestive of the fact that he is quite open to his ex-girlfriend seducing him, he might even be encouraging it from his side. The signs are pretty obvious, he looks to be playing you. Of course, you can still wait and watch.
Another thing you mentioned is that he trusts you to hang out with other guys, well this is not good news either simply because when a guy is truly in love with a girl he gets pretty possessive about her and would not be all that okay about her hanging out with other guys. An open minded guy is usually a guy who doesn’t care enough about whether his girlfriend stays or leaves. A guy in love is never open-minded about his girl hanging out with other guys simply because men are possessive by nature, and they are more possessive about their girl than anything else in their life.
Commitment is a difficult thing at the tender age of 18. There are so many things to explore, so many experiences to have and so much maturity to gain as life takes you beyond the teen years. This is not to say that committed relationships are not possible at this age. There have been many instance where a guy and girl have been in a committed relationship from their teen years well into marriage in their late twenties. It all depends on how emotionally mature the guy and the girl are.
During the teen years, many guys are prone towards exploring options than to stay committed. They are looking to have fun and they are looking for excitement. Of course there are many exceptions, and there are guys who do stay committed to their girlfriend even as a teenager.
You need to make a reality check. How strong is the bonding between the two of you? Are you serious about commitment and loyalty towards each other or do you reckon that it’s too early get serious? What is the depth of your love for each other, is it mostly surface level or does it have deep roots? Be honest about what your gut feeling is about your present relationship. In many cases, we simply choose ignore the obvious signs. If you sense that he’s not really serious about you, then you can at least prepare yourself for what’s to come, this way you can save yourself from a lot of unwanted hurt.
If your boyfriend does not have deep feelings for you, he is not to be blamed for sliding back to his ex-girlfriend or some other girl for that matter. From your description of his behavior, he doesn’t seem to be highly committed or serious. Of course, he’s young and he can change with time. All that’s important is that you stay grounded in reality and down sweep the obvious signs understand the carpet.