Arguments and fights are part of any relationship. But if you think the frequence of fights has increased between you and your boyfriend, here are some zen tips to consider:
Become Conscious of the Moment
Arguments are futile, because in the end, when all is said and done, no one wins. A simple way to stop unnecessary arguments is to become aware of what you are doing. As soon as an argument beings, try to reduce the momentum of the argument by focusing your attention on your breathing or your heart beats for that matter. Once you do this, you will automatically become conscious of the fact that you are drifting into a senseless argument. And once you realize this, you can always try to end the argument by reminding the other person of the same.
By becoming conscious during a fight/argument you can easily stop these fights from gaining momentum.
Don’t Talk when You Are In A Bad Mood
Remind your boyfriend in advance that you will not talk with him when you are in a bad mood. Tell him you are doing this in order to reduce the amount of useless arguments that happen between you two. Also tell him not to talk with you when he is in a bad mood.
When in an argument, focus on listening to what the other person has to say instead of thinking what to say next. While listening, try to look at the story from the other person’s point of view. This will help you develop a new perspective on the situation.
Step Out Of The Room
If you cannot take anymore listening and are extremely angry, just leave the room for a few minutes. Go outside in the open or go into a room and sit in silence for five to ten minutes. Focus on your breathing and let your anger fade away. Once your anger fades away, you will be in a better position to understand the situation and put forth your side of the story in a relaxed manner.
Hold His Hand
In the spur of the moment arguments reach heightened intensity just like fire. By holding his hand, you are doing something unexpected which will cut his line of negative thoughts and bring in a sense of relaxation. Once he stops (even for a few seconds) tell him that you can argue some other time and that right now you need to go for a walk together. Walk together in silence, holding hands and you will be amazed how the negative energy fades away.
Stop The Blame Game
Blame games serve no purpose as there is no fun in crying over spilt milk. What has happened has happened and blaming someone for it is not going to solve anything. Just accept what has happened and let the moment pass. You can sit and talk about it when both of you are in the right mood.
Learn the art of Acceptance
It is important to learn the art of acceptance. In a relationship, you need to accept the shortcomings/flaws in the other person. Look at them as flaws in your own self. Once you accept these flaws, you will be amazed how soon they fade away.
Meditation can help you get in touch with you inner self which in turn will help you become automatically conscious when a fight starts. Meditation also helps you calm down and remove/discard past resentments against your boyfriend/husband. To being meditation, just sit in silence for five to ten minutes and focus your attention on your breathing or your heart beats or even your sense of hearing. Just listen to the sounds as they happen. The idea is to remove focus from your negative/angry thoughts and let them fade away. You can meditate any time of the day, even when you are standing. Do this whenever you feel tense or angry.
So these were a few tips on how you can stop fighting with your boyfriend. How do you deal with such a situation? Do you have any other tips? Please let us know in the comments below.