How to Approach a Love Shy Male?

Author: Admin

You adore that man; you have fallen in love with him, and you are giving him all the right signals. But there is no response from the other side. You are pretty much sure he is not gay and that he also does not have a girl friend. He seems to like you but is not showing any strong signs that would take the relationship further. What could be the reason? May be he is love shy!

According to a research over 1.7 million US males suffer from love shyness. So is your man love shy? Let us find out love shyness really is?

Is Your Man Love Shy?

Love shyness is a term used to describe men with a kind of chronic shyness which makes it extremely difficult for them to be assertive in informal situations involving potential romantic partners. Having said this, I must tell you that these men are perfectly normal. They have perfectly functional sexuality, they are healthy, they are heterosexual and they might as well make great lovers.

The only issue is the preconceived notions that they have about themselves which makes them feel inferior to others especially in social situations. In addition these notions also tell them that they cannot keep their partners happy and hence will eventually be rejected. The extreme fear of rejection is what makes them turn down any potential approaches made by woman towards them. But deep down within, they are desperately longing to develop intimate relationship with the member of the opposite sex.

Let us now look at some traits of a love shy man:

  • A love shy male is generally a virgin even at a very high age like 25 and above and will not have had any intimate relationship with members of the opposite sex.
  • Such men rarely go out with women socially, they avoid social gatherings and are generally introverts.
  • They do not develop friendships easily and talk only to those with whom they feel comfortable and those with whom they do not feel the fear of rejection.
  • He is strictly heterosexual and longs desperately to have intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but stays back cause of fear of getting rejected.
  • He is a man who has suffered and is continuously suffering emotionally cause of lack of meaningful female companionship.

Why do Men Become Love Shy?

Love shyness has been blamed largely to the man’s upbringing as a child. So the man’s parents, teachers and peers are largely to be held responsible. Situations where the child’s parents ignore or abuse him, are alcoholics and where the child finds that he does not have anyone to fall back on for emotional support. These are some reasons for a man becoming love shy at an older age.

How to Approach a Love Shy Man?

If you find that you have fallen in love with a love shy man, you got to get one thing straight; he is not going to approach you. But this does not mean that he does not love you. Deep down inside, he might be having a lot of feelings for you which he is too afraid to put forward. So the ball is in your court now. Break the ice and get the ball rolling by approaching him first. Show all the signs that you love him. Show concern for him and tell him that you will love him and accept him irrespective of his problems.

Love shy men are desperately looking for companionship; someone who can make them feel important and someone who can love them irrespective of their shortcomings. Once they find such a love, there are all the more chances that they will break free from their shell and become completely normal again.

You see, love shyness is not to be confused with other personality disorders. As this is not exactly a disorder. The problem lies with the fact that the male has not found the right companion so far in his life. Once the right companion comes, things are going to change for the better.

Love shy men can make great lovers; they are loyal, trustful and will keep you happy. All you got to do is approach him and fill that void in his life.









  • Gina

    I fell in love with this guy who was acutely shy. He seemed interested but never really asked me out, until one day I went ahead and asked him for a date. He was really nervous during our first few dates but then he started opening up. Things became so much better after that. It’s been four years now and our love for each other has only grown. I have also seen him grow in confidence during our relationship.

    • Bill Chaffee

      That’s a new one on me that woman would actually ask a man out if she not already in a relationship with him.

  • Rochelle

    I am in love with a man, and until this article, I had not even heard- or considered- that this could be relating to him. Although many times when we were out, I thought he was being aloof and uninterested- in fact, I had once suggested that if he truly did not want to be in my company, he could go home. He didn’t. After dating exclusively for some time, I did tell him my true feelings. Since then, we have had our ups and down, but he has managed- at times 🙂 – to tell me how he truly feels and that he does love me. He still has yet to consider himself my boyfriend- at first I thought it was because he was worried about his ex- whom had already moved on finding out he was dating someone.

    I had thought I maybe wasn’t good enough – for whatever reason. I have come to realize that the reason he had dated the “type” of women he had in the past was because he truly thought a “good” woman would never love him. Because I know he is the man God has truly sent to be in my life, I have not given up on him and I never will. He is truly such an amazing man, and I know through God’s power, he will come to realize it. I am just so grateful I have been given the opportunity to be a part of his life. So, yes, patience is definitely needed; but anyone worth it is someone worth the wait.

  • disqus_xoLqvHgqmd

    @Gina. Your man was very lucky that he met a woman like you who was willing to break the logjam by taking the initiative and asking him out.

    I haven’t had sex or a relationship for 16 years. I experience an overwhelming fight or flight response with women I am attracted to. I start shaking and sweating. I am unable to think straight or make any sense when I talk to them. It is completely irrational but I cannot control it. It is so unpleasant to experience that it seems to be able to override my sex drive and desperation for intimacy so that I avoided talking to women I am attracted to. The result is that my self worth is zero and I have missed out on the best things in life- sex. intimacy and love. Life is colourless and joyless.

  • Bill Chaffee

    Love shy men are expendable because about 105 boys are born for every 100 girls. I’m saying this as a 66 year old virgin but it goes way beyond virginity.

  • Love conquers all

    I am in love with a shy guy but don’t know what to do with him. The back story is his last girlfriend broke up with him and went back with her husband after six months with him. Now, I know him to be intense regarding emotions once he commits and maybe it was too much for this recently single woman, I don’t know, but I do know it damaged him severely, he told me early on that she was the one he wanted to marry and was about to introduce to his parents on a vacation he was planning.

    Well I am separated, almost divorced, something I would have never thought of doing after 12 years together but when this man entered my life my heart skipped a beat. Or two. It changed everything. It made me realize I’d rather be alone than not be with this man.

    It felt cosmic, it felt complete, like it was not even a physical connection but entirely at the soul level. It sounds stupid but my cells vibrate when he speaks and I find myself weeping at the lack of his touch. Even his name has a vibration to me, when I first saw his name was the first skipped beat of my heart…OFF A NAME – no photo, no nothing, I hadn’t even met him yet. Just saw his name. Then I met him. WOW…I was speechless. And I have never been like this around anyone in my entire life and I am not that young (born in the 1960s).

    I feel that he likes me based on the interactions between us – he checks me out (and others have told me he checks me out), he turns red in the face and stutters in my presence, though doesn’t do it as much as he used to. He has a hard time looking at me when he speaks, he has to look off when talking. He does this thing with his eye brows where they go up when we pass by each other, I don’t think he knows that he does it. This has been going on for over a year!!! It’s driving me crazy.

    Friendship is totally OK with me but he won’t do anything with me. Is it because the situation is identical to one he just had but got dumped in? He did mention when he got divorced he did not date for a year – was he telling me that was his expectation? A mutual male friend (so he won’t tell me this guy likes me, I guess it’s a bro code thing) told me in July that in one year all my dreams will be realized, and then he said, “Mark my words.” My fear is I wait and find out I was entirely wrong and misread him and my heart gets completely crushed, and the mutual friend just meant I’d find love somewhere in a year when I am ready. Everyone presumes after a divorce that it takes everyone the same amount of time to be ready to date but that just is not the case, I am ready now with this guy. I feel it with every fiber of my being.

    And if he does like me that much, why can’t we be friends until then?? I have asked him to hang out and do things a number of times and he either immediately says no or he says yes but then cancels on me. If you didn’t know how he acted around me you would think he wasn’t interested in me based on these responses but he does act like he’s nervous and likes me. Plus my intuition tells me he is very interested in me. He used to email me and text me and then he stopped but his in person reactions to me have not faltered. Did he stop the communication because his feelings grew for me? Was he testing me to see how much I like him? I will write him and he usually won’t respond but sometimes he will.

    I crave being with him even if it is just to be near him. I don’t even need to talk to him, it’s like my soul finds comfort in his presence.

    He is highly desirable by many women (tall, attractive, intelligent, educated, makes good money, athletic) and I know he has much luck on Tinder where there is no risk of rejection, he hooks up with women based on physical attraction but that’s it. He will date, a serial monogamous dater if you will, until the women ask him where it’s going and he says nowhere and it ends. Then he goes on Tinder and catches another one and the repeat button is hit again. He told me this. Is he biding time (every guy his age needs sexual release so I understand it but if I actually imagine him having sex with someone else it drives me crazy, I have eyes for nobody else but him, I can’t even imagine it).

    A few times I introduced him to women that I thought might be good fit for him – I want him to be happy whether it’s with me or someone else, though of course I pray it’s with me – is he confused about me introducing him to others? (I poured my heart out to him explaining that I have tried to set him up with others because I want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me, that I love him unconditionally and that I “have his back,” and…he didn’t respond!). He met one of the women but it wasn’t a fit and the other one he never contacted (she is a friend of mine).

    For my part, I am tall, attractive, intelligent, athletic & fit, emotionally stable, kind, giving, patient and loyal. I have great genes – no ailments, no issues whether emotional, psychological, mental or physical. I don’t party (occasional 420 and maybe one drink a week just like him) – I am a “good girl,” someone who by all standards would be a hell of a catch. Men tell me I am amazing and I have a number of men after me but they are not him.

    We are both introverts and would be an excellent fit together, in fact we look great together.

    I have shown my loyalty, I helped protect his job by going out on a limb, it was the most important thing in my life that he feel and be secure in his position, so I did everything I could to ensure it and it worked.

    Guys help me out here please!! What is your take of the situation knowing what I’ve told you? Shy men, do you fear being friends with someone you really like lest you
    fall totally in love with them and get hurt? Is that what’s going on? I
    am so lost and need guidance.