It can be quite difficult to be stuck with people who are critical by nature, but if he is your boyfriend you might have some good reasons to be around him. May be he has several other qualities to compensate for his critical nature. Whatever be the case, you cannot allow yourself to be a doormat to accommodate his criticism.
Respect and love go hand in hand, it’s difficult for true love to exist in the absence of respect. If your boyfriend is critical to the extent of disrespecting your personality or nature, it would warrant that you take a stand or else you would end up losing your self-respect.
Of course it’s human nature to be critical of something or the other from time to time, but if your boyfriend is being continually critical of you, on everyday basis, it could indicate a deeper resentment or insecurity on his part.
Tips To Deal With a Critical Boyfriend
Let him know that you find his criticisms hurting
There is no point in being submissive to his critical remarks or opinions about you. If you act like a doormat he will end up treating you like one. Remember that healthy relationships allow for space to accommodate eccentricities and personality flaws in the partners, but there is a threshold to everything.
Next time he is critical of you, just tell him bluntly that you find his attitude irritating and that his remarks are hurting and disturbing. Don’t be afraid of his reaction, if he really loves you he will know better than to hurt your feelings continually especially when he realizes that his criticisms are disturbing you deeply.
Give him a cold shoulder everytime he criticizes you
If you don’t react to a particular behavior in someone then you are basically reinforcing it. Your silence can easily be taken as a sign of your acceptance. If you find his criticism unreasonable or hurting, just let it show in your body language. You can distance yourself from him emotionally and physically till he realizes the consequences of his actions.
Counsel him on negative effects of having a judging personality
It may be that your boyfriend does not even realize that he has a critical nature. Some people tend to act critical quite unconsciously. This is of course no excuse to let him get away with it. It will be incumbent upon you to give him a straight talk on the harmful effects of having a judgmental or critical attitude towards people, especially the close ones.
When we judge someone close to us we tend to send a message of “conditional” love. In an intimate relationship it’s important that the guy and the girl are unconditional in their acceptance of each other. We are all humans and we are imperfect in one way or the other, so if you want to be critical you can find several reasons to do, the point of close relationship is to enrich each other’s life not debilitate it.
Find out if he has some insecurities within him
Anyone who is critical has some amount of “self hatred” deeply ingrained within their personalities. What we feel internally is what we show externally. So if your boyfriend is critical towards you it would indicate that he is also self-critical, though he may not expose it or it might just be an unconscious pattern in him.
You can easily find out if he has hidden insecurities within him by observing his behavior in public and private situations. Fear and aggression go hand in hand and criticism is a form of aggression that usually stems from some inner fear or insecurity. If you can see some patterns of insecurity in him bring it out in the open and help him overcome it.
Don’t let him take you for granted
The one who cares less in a relationship usually dominates it, of course the ideal situation is when the love is balanced in both the partners. So if you are overly dependent on his attention then there is a possibility that you come across as being submissive or needy. It’s important to overcome any such negative pattern in you.
Dependence is not a negative thing but over-dependence is. He should realize that he cannot take you for granted. Have a life outside your relationship, follow your interests and hobbies and give yourself some space of your own. Get comfortable with yourself first and don’t be dependent on anyone’s approval.
Stop being self critical
May be the problem is that you are a “self critical” person and hence you unconsciously attract criticism for others too. Such self sabotaging patterns are evident in people who have low self esteem or low confidence in themselves. It’s quite true that people will treat you the way you treat yourself. So it’s important to take responsibility for the change you want in your life.
Do you see patterns of self criticism in you? Do you lack confidence in your personality? Ask yourself why you feel this way because there is no reason for anyone to feel inferior. It’s just a mindset nothing more nothing less and it can easily be replaced with a healthier pattern. Remember that no one can insult you without your consent.
In conclusion, you have to take completely responsibility for the situation you are in. If your boyfriend is critical of you everyday it won’t be long before a lot of resentment builds up inside you which will eventually end up sabotaging your relationship. Address this issue in him as well as in you, be the change that you want.