Question by Krissy: What does it mean when a guy friend of five years has recently got upset when you asked him to pass a birthday gift to another guy work who shares his workplace? This guy friend who is upset has always been a generous person. He’s never greedy (as far as I know). He gave me a birthday present once on the spur of the moment (he didn’t know before). But other years when he didn’t acknowledge my birthday or give me gifts, I did not get upset. I care for this close friend of mine, and wonder why he’s upset and now refuses to answer my phone calls. When I asked him to pass this birthday gift to another guy (it’s was a towel), he asked if he could keep it for himself instead in the case that he does run into this guy. He said I was self-centered that I don’t remember his birth date but when I asked about my birth date he can’t answer either. I could be wrong, but I suspect he’s romantically jealous. However, he’s by nature a very nice and kind person. Although I never bought him his birthday gift, I did give him small inexpensive gifts on no occasion (a couple of times a year). Could it be possible that his feeling has changed and he now likes me more than a friend (since he never acted like that before)?
Never ask a guy friend to convey your gift to another guy friend, it’s simply going to rub the former guy the wrong way. Guys hate being messengers of love for another guy. His aggressive behavior indicates that this guy friend of yours could well have a romantic interest in you. The fact that he called you “Self-centered” and felt bad about you not remembering his birthday, indicates that he does care for you and find you to be special in his life. We only get “hurt” with people who “matter” to us in some way, some matter to us negatively and some matter to us positively. In your case, it would seem that you mattered to him as a love interest, and the fact that you treated him like a “casual friend”, by asking him convey your gift to another guy, definitely piqued his feelings for you.
You need to understand that some men are “passive aggressive”, in that they usually come across as being really nice and kind but are essentially just hiding their feelings, sometimes intense emotions, behind a façade of friendliness and “goody”-ness. So though this guy seemed really “nice” and friendly, he could well be harboring some strong feelings for you.
A small act on your part, like giving him a gift (even if it was inexpensive or trivial), could well have caused him to feel that you care for him. He might be a “shy” type guy, he may also be introverted, and so he did not approach you with his feelings. His sudden rudeness, and aggression, indicates that he feels passionate about you, or else your request to pass on a gift would not have instigated such a strong reaction.
It depends upon you now, how you approach the situation. If you are also “romantically” interested in him, or feel that there is a prospect of such a possibility, just try to soothe him back to being friends with you again. You will need to tell him that you care for him and that you miss him in your life. Only when he feels that you have “feelings” for him will he want to get back to being friends with you. Once the two of you are comfortable in your friendship, you can ask him to open up with his feelings by telling him that you care for him.
If you are not romantically interested in him, it’s best if you just leave him alone. He will not be interested in being “friends” with you after this episode, unless he senses that you have feelings for him. He will no longer be in touch with you, and it’s better this way for him as he will be able to get over you.