Question by Arielle: My boyfriend and I started out dating off and on because he was too afraid to commit…So I never pushed him to do anything he didn’t want to do and he finally decided he could commit to me about two months ago. Although he is now committed I for some reason can’t get out of the dating stage mind set, and I’m constantly worried that he’ll just break things off and not talk to me anymore. He tells me all the time I’m the girl of his dreams, or that I’m the perfect girl, and that he’s never had feelings for other girls like the ones he has for me. Although he’s never said I love you, he has even used the word love indirectly in random sentences… So why do I constantly worry? Is he truly committed? Does he mean those things he says?
Your mind is playing games with you, and unfortunately these are “worrisome” games. When you start worrying about your relationship, when there is no evident reason to worry, it just shows that your mind is up to its habitual patterns of “negative” thinking. The worst part about negative thinking is that it has the capacity to create the negative reality that you are focusing upon. In other words, if you keep focusing your thoughts on the subject of “breaking up”, more than you focus your thoughts on the love that you and your boyfriend share, then you might end up manifesting some negativity in your relationship. You must have heard of the proverb “As you think, so you become” – in other words you end up creating the reality that you constantly keep thinking about.
The bottom line is that you need to chill out and relax. Your boyfriend has told you that he is committed to you and that you are unlike any other girl he has met before. Essentially this means he wants to be with you, and is in love with you. It’s time for you to start enjoying the relationship and not allow your “negative” mind to mess things up for you.
Here are a few tips to keep your relationship healthy:
Be as cheerful as you can be all the time
Guys love a girl who is cheerful and positive in outlook. The last thing a guy wants is to be a “counselor” to his girlfriend. So just forget about the negatives and try to make your relationship as cheerful as possible. Avoid squabbles, and squibbles of all kind. Be forgiving and understanding to the best of your abilities.
Don’t worry about breaking up
It’s strange but most relationships have the potential to be successful but for the negative thinking that starts creeping in with time. Couples start worrying about commitment and responsibilities, while some start doubting the fidelity of their partner, sooner or later, if you allow these negative thought patterns to grow within your mind, you will end up projecting a lot of negativity into the relationship which will eventually cause it to be messed up. Focus on being happy in the relationship, focus on giving love and focus on finding the positives in your boyfriend as much as possible, and it’s a good bet that your relationship will mature into the most loving marriage possible.
Don’t get too clingy
It’s best not to come across as being “needy” or “clingy”. Remember that your boyfriend loves you for who you are, so you don’t need to change yourself for his approval, neither do you need to seek his approval. Be who you are and relish your life. When you are not needy for his attention you will see that he naturally starts giving you more and more attention and love. It’s a paradox, but life gives more to people who are not “needy”. Have you seen that the most financially lackful people are the ones who keep craving money and the most abundant are the ones who are not needy of it?
Be playful with your boyfriend and have fun in your relationship. Quit worrying, it serves no purpose.