Wanting a baby can drive us ladies mad. You have babies on the brain 24/7. You see them everywhere, perhaps you know someone who has one and you just canāt get the thought out of your mind. You mention the idea to you man and realize he really isnāt up for it. Despite his reluctance, you just cannot stop that feeling. He thinks nappies and sleepless nights, you on the other hand think about tiny toes and baby booties. So is there anything you can do to convince your man to have a baby.
It may be a bit of a challenge, but there are certainly a few things you can do to make him hear the patter of tiny feet! There are basically two stages to the process. The first is establishing a dialog of mutual respect and communication. The second is discussing the reasons which may be behind his reluctance.
Stage 1- Establishing the Tone for Discussion
At this stage you both know that you want different things. It is important to establish an open space for discussion where your man can express how he is feeling.
- Make sure that you remain calm and do not become too pushy- The fact that he is talking about it is already a good step! Be understanding and supportive. Your man needs to feel appreciated and that his feelings are valid.
- Explain to him that you donāt just want a baby, but you want to create a family with him- It is important to let him know that the reason you want to have babies with him, is because he will make a wonderful father. Remind him of his good qualities and what he will be able to bring to your childās life.
- Be sure to use the word āusā instead of āIā- by talking about the issue in this way, he is less likely to think of this as your issue. This means the conversation is likely to be more amicable and it will keep you on the same side. Despite your difference of opinion, you are still a partnership and this is what you must show him.
Stage 2- Having the Baby Chat
Now that you have begun talking, itās time to consider the reasons which may be holing him back. In general there are three reasons that men mention as to why they do not want to have a child. These are:
Despite the modern climate, most men still feel that they need to support their families. This means your man may not feel able to provide for you and your future child. Establish what your budget is, and if necessary show him that you donāt mind giving up some things. It may be an idea to also start a savings account. Remember that the fact he cares about this means he wants to be able to support a family. Praise him for being responsible and make suggestions as to what you can do to afford a baby.
It is a good idea to talk about insecurities that he may have about being a parent. Find out what his idea of being a good dad is. It may be that he did not have good relationship with father or he may be worried about how it will change your relationship. Remind him that you think the world of him and give examples of you think how would make an excellent father. Share your fears about being a parent too and give examples about how you would solve them together as a team.
Change in Lifestyle
Babies change everything and your man may be worried about having to sacrifice things that he enjoys. It is true that sacrifices will have to be made, so acknowledge these and reassure him. Remind him of why these sacrifices will be worth it and the fun experiences you will have.
Some Other Tips that May Help
Do the things you have always wanted to do- Having a baby is a big step and will change your relationship as a couple. It might be an idea to suggest going on an adventure together before you take the plunge into baby land. Perhaps a round the world trip together or doing that sky dive he has always been talking about. Enjoy the time you have left of being just you two!
Spend time with couples who have children- If you have friends that have small children, spend some time with them and let your man have a bit of an experience of seeing family life. Perhaps you can offer to baby sit together. Many men are much keener on the idea once they see their friends or brothers with their kids.
Convincing your man to have a baby may not be easy, so remember to be patient, supportive and understanding. Give him time to ingest the idea. Tell him how great he was with his nephew, point out happy smiley dads; but remember to keep it light and do not bombard him with baby talk 24/7. The most important part is to reassure him, praise him and make him feel understood. Once your man feels that he will make a great dad and have a lovely family with you will be busy making babies in no time!