Question from G: My bf and I have a very strong relationship. Its been 9 months ever since we are in the relation. We used to have sex after every now and then almost twice a week or sometimes thrice a week and now recently he went to London for studies. Its just been a month ever since he is not here and we already had so many fights over these issues that is doubting on me and I am questioning him if he is hanging out with girls and everything. I really love him and want this relationship to work. He will be coming back in December so I wont be seeing him for next almost five months. I need your help on how to make sure he knows I am not cheating on him and I truly love him only. I call him almost twice a day and we do talk on skype still he thinks I am forgetting him.
The most difficult part about long distance relationships is dealing with issues of trust. Even if you call everyday, and skype with him, he can still wonder if you are going out with some other guy, or if someone is flirting with you at your office or college. Men are more prone to issues of “mistrust” than women, simply because men are usually wired to be possessive in a relationship. Most men are fearful of losing their girlfriend to some other man because it’s not only extremely hurting but it can severely dent their ego or self-confidence. A woman on the other hand is much more trusting of her man, especially when she realizes, as a gut feeling, that he truly loves her. Men aren’t good with trusting their intuition, so they doubt a woman’s love all the time.
You’ve also got the media to blame for the paranoia that has set into most humans about their partner in a relationship. Many movies and sitcoms show the girlfriend cheating on her boyfriend or vice versa, and when young people are privy to such shows they automatically start mistrusting their partners also. It’s so much easier for a human mind to think a negative thought, than to think a positive thought because of years of negative conditioning.
So you must understand that it’s quite “normal” for your boyfriend to be worried about your loyalty to him. Don’t get angry with him for questioning you. Remember that the only reason he is concerned is because he is in love with you, and feels possessive towards you. Of course, with time he should learn to trust you more, but for now just give him some leeway. It’s also normal for you to feel a little insecure about whether he’s cheating on you, but you must understand that the only way to make a long distance relationship work is through “unconditional trust”. There is no other option but to trust him completely. If you don’t trust him, you will end up feeling paranoid most of the time when you think about him and slowly but surely a lot negativity will start creeping into your relationship.
The best thing to do is to be positive. You know that your love for him is true, and that’s enough. True and sincere love always wins the day. Communicate your love to him through words, and let him know what he means to you. Don’t try too hard to convince him of your loyalty, just let him know that your love for him is true and that he needs understand his place in your life.
Avoid fighting over small issues. In a long distance relationship, a small fight can end up becoming a huge issue in no time. There is only so much that you can do while talking over a phone, and sorting out fights is really tough over a call. So try to be as understanding as possible and avoid arguments.
There is a lot of power in positive thinking. You will be amazed at how many relationships go downhill simply because the partners start thinking negatively. Even if one partner is willing to be positive, and thinks thoughts of love and appreciation, instead of thinking thoughts of doubt and criticism, it’s enough to keep the relationship going strong. Keep your mind positive and see how easy it is to have a conflict free relationship.